Mental health has become a hot topic in our society. Although awareness has increased, many still face stigma and confusion surrounding common mental health issues. It's important to realise that mental health struggles are merely experiences we navigate, not labels that define us. As author Matt Haig says, just like walking in the rain, we may feel the discomfort, but we are not the storm. The Nature of Mental Health Mental health involves our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It impacts how we think, feel, and act. According to the World Health Organization, one in four people will experience a mental health issue at some point in their lives. Factors contributing to mental health problems can include genetics, environment, and life events. Understanding mental health issues as experiences can be empowering. Just as a storm can pass, so can our mental challenges. For instance, 70% of individuals with depression report substantial improvement with therapy. Recognising this can encourage people to seek help without feeling trapped by their circumstances. The Storm Metaphor Think of walking in the rain or a storm. While the droplets can drench your clothes and cloud your vision, they do not change who you are. Similarly, mental health challenges can feel overwhelming, but they do not shape your identity. This metaphor reminds us that difficult emotions are temporary. Embracing this viewpoint can inspire resilience and hope. For example, a person feeling anxious during a public speaking event may learn over time that those feelings are temporary and manageable. This realisation can lead to improvement and growth, encouraging individuals to seek out support and coping strategies. The Importance of Seeking Help Recognising that mental health problems are experiences, not identities, is a key step toward healing. Yet, it is helpful to understand when professional help may be beneficial. A report by Mental Health America found that 56% of adults with a mental health condition did not receive treatment in the past year. Therapy offers valuable tools for managing mental health challenges. Therapists can help individuals explore feelings, identify triggers, and develop coping mechanisms. A case study in 2021 showed that individuals who engaged in cognitive-behavioural therapy reported a 50% reduction in symptoms within just eight weeks. Seeking help is a sign of strength and a crucial step toward recovery. Building a Support System Creating a robust support system is vital for maintaining mental health. Friends, family, and support groups can provide understanding and encouragement. Research shows that social support can reduce the risk of mental health issues by up to 50%. When building your support network, opt for individuals who uplift you and offer empathy. These connections can be lifelines during tough times. For example, a friend who listens without judgment can help ease feelings of isolation. It is vital to connect with people who validate your experiences and encourage your journey. Practicing Self-Compassion Self-compassion is a powerful tool in facing mental health challenges. It means treating yourself kindly, especially during tough times. Research from Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that practicing self-compassion can lead to lower levels of anxiety and depression. Engaging in self-care activities can also boost mental well-being. This might include exercise, journaling, or spending time outdoors. Aim for small, achievable goals to create a nurturing environment that supports your mental health journey. For instance, spending 20 minutes in nature can significantly lower stress levels. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques Mindfulness practices can effectively help manage mental health experiences. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises can help you stay present and reduce anxiety. For example, if you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to focus on your breath: inhale deeply for five counts, hold for two, and exhale for seven. Engaging in this simple practice can help regain focus and calm your mind, allowing you to weather life's storms more effectively. Embracing the Journey Navigating mental health challenges is a journey, not just a goal. Understand that healing takes time. While setbacks may occur, each small step forward demonstrates your resilience. Celebrate every victory, whether it's taking a walk, reaching out to a friend, or attending therapy. These moments contribute to your overall well-being and serve as reminders of your strength. Remember, your identity is defined by your ability to face and overcome challenges, not by the struggles you endure. Moving Forward Together Mental health problems are experiences that many people face, but they do not define us. Like walking in the rain, we can navigate the storms of mental health without letting them become our identity. By seeking help, building a support system, practicing self-compassion, and embracing mindfulness, we can find our way through challenges. A peaceful landscape reflecting calmness after a storm.

Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory offers a transformative approach to personal growth and relationships by encouraging us to release the need to control others' actions and focus instead on our own responses. This mindset fosters emotional freedom and healthier interactions. Applying the "Let Them" Theory in Relationships: Romantic Partnerships: Scenario:  Your partner prefers spending weekends with friends rather than engaging in shared activities. Application:  Instead of feeling neglected or attempting to alter their behaviour, embrace the "Let Them" mindset. Use this time to pursue your own interests or connect with others. This approach reduces tension and allows both partners to maintain individuality within the relationship. Friendships: Scenario:  A close friend frequently cancels plans at the last minute. Application:  Rather than harbouring resentment or confronting them aggressively, adopt the "Let Them" perspective. Accept their behaviour as a reflection of their current circumstances. This acceptance can lead to a more relaxed dynamic, where you choose to invest energy in friends who are more reliable, without bitterness. Family Dynamics: Scenario:  A family member offers unsolicited advice about your career choices. Application:  Instead of engaging in arguments or feeling compelled to defend your decisions, "Let Them" express their opinions. Recognise that their perspectives are shaped by their experiences. By not internalising their judgments, you maintain peace of mind and uphold your autonomy. The Benefits for Personal Growth: Enhanced Emotional Well-being:  By relinquishing control over others, you reduce stress and anxiety associated with managing external behaviours. Strengthened Self-Identity:  Focusing on your own actions and reactions fosters a deeper understanding of yourself and your values. Improved Relationships:  Allowing others to be themselves without interference cultivates mutual respect and authenticity in interactions. It's important to note that the "Let Them" theory is not about passive acceptance in situations involving harm, discrimination or personal boundaries. In such cases, assertive communication and action are necessary. The theory emphasises releasing the need to control benign behaviours of others that do not directly impact your well-being. Try integrating the "Let Them" philosophy into your daily life, you can experience a profound shift in how you relate to others and nurture your personal development. Mel Robbin's has a book which explains more and there is her podcast, TED Talks and other video appearances.

Quote on background of lake at dusk. In psychotherapy, the power dynamics at play are often subtle yet impactful. These dynamics shape the relationship between therapists and clients. It's essential to understand how power, privilege and oppression influence therapy to create a fair and effective environment for healing. In this post, we will explore tangible ways to recognise and address these dynamics. Understanding Power and Privilege Power and privilege are not just theoretical ideas; they directly impact people's lives in therapy. Each person in the therapeutic relationship brings their unique backgrounds, values and experiences. Power can emerge from various factors, such as race, gender, socioeconomic status and education level. For example, research shows that over 60% of therapists (in the U.S. and likely to be similar here) are white, which may leave clients from diverse backgrounds feeling less understood or marginalised. A highly qualified, academic therapist may unintentionally dominate the work, leaving clients feeling unheard. For instance, a counsellor who is white and middle-class might overlook the challenges faced by a client of colour from a lower socioeconomic background. Recognisng these differences are crucial for fostering a supportive therapeutic environment. This is why it is essential therapists have explored their own biases and prejudices in their personal therapy, increasing their own self awareness. The Role of Intersectionality It's important to understand intersectionality, as it illustrates how multiple identities shape experiences of privilege and oppression. A therapist who holds societal privileges may not fully grasp the challenges faced by clients with intersecting marginalised identities. For example, consider a well-educated, cisgender, heterosexual male therapist. His worldview may significantly differ from that of a queer, transgender woman of colour, who experiences biases on multiple fronts. By addressing this complexity, therapists can engage in deeper discussions that validate the unique realities of their clients, thereby enriching the therapeutic process. Oppression and Its Impact on Therapy Oppression appears in various forms within therapy. It can affect clients who may feel belittled or dismissed, as well as therapists who face societal pressure and biases. Consider the challenges a therapist from a minority background might experience: they could encounter imposter syndrome or difficulty establishing credibility. When therapists recognise these layers of oppression, they can respond with greater empathy and understanding. In turn, clients who feel seen and respected are more likely to engage more honestly in their therapeutic journey. Strategies for Awareness and Change To effectively tackle power dynamics, therapists can commit to continuous self-reflection and education. Here are some practical strategies that can foster a more equitable therapeutic setting: Active Listening : Therapists focus on actively listening to validate the feelings and experiences of clients, particularly those from marginalised backgrounds. This could take the form of paraphrasing what clients say to demonstrate understanding, validating feelings and empathising. Cultural Competence Training : Ongoing education in cultural humility empowers therapists to connect with clients on a deeper level. Research indicates that training can lead to a 45% increase in therapist-client rapport. Open Conversations : Creating an environment for open discussions about power and privilege can help both parties explore sensitive topics safely. A study found that nearly 70% of clients appreciate when therapists acknowledge these dynamics. By integrating these strategies, therapy can become a richer and more inclusive experience for everyone involved. Embracing Transformation Acknowledging power dynamics in psychotherapy goes beyond theoretical discussions; it is vital for fostering genuine healing. Ideally both therapists and clients play active roles in understanding and addressing power, privilege and oppression in their interactions. By approaching these conversations openly, the therapeutic relationship can evolve into a transformative experience. In doing this, psychotherapy can better cater to the diverse needs of individuals seeking support and fostering more equitable outcomes for all.

Do You Need to Change Your Perspective on ADHD? It seems most people who don’t have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) don’t really understand it. ADHD is often associated with what is wrong with a person so a diagnosis of ADHD may leave you feeling shame, fear and self-doubt. Changing your perspective on ADHD is the start in removing the stigma surrounding ADHD. I believe in emphasising the positive traits of ADHD.  People with ADHD represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and accomplished people I have met. Nevertheless, words such as organisation, structure, supervision, reminders, and persistence don’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the task people with ADHD have to tackle every day, particularly children and young people. Children need their parents and teachers to understand their difficulties, and help them to overcome those challenges. When explaining ADHD to a child, say, “you have a superfast mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I’m the brake expert.” When ADHD is properly managed, children can achieve: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dreamers, innovators and explorers. Remember the flip-side of distractibility is curiosity. Barriers Parents Face: Steps to Changing Your Perspective on ADHD 1. Educate yourself The biggest barriers for parents are denial, ignorance and a refusal to learn. If this goes on tfor oo long, children can suffer further loss to their self esteem. The stakes are high, not only for the child, but the whole family. So learn what ADHD is and what it isn’t. The most powerful treatment for ADHD is understanding ADHD. It can be a positive attribute in your child’s life. So ,read books, talk with professionals and talk with other parents with ADHD children. You need to understand ADHD well enough to embrace it so you can help your child avoid unnecessary stigma, as that breaks children rather than builds them up. 2. Look for that special spark Children with ADHD invariably have a special something, a spark, a delightful quirk – which they sometimes try to hide. Look for that special something and help your child feel good about who they are. Identify talents, strengths, interests and dreams. Teach them to see and believe in what they can do, and avoid the tendency to focus on what they can’t do. When you believe in your child, it makes it easier for them to believe, too. 3 . Unconditional Love Let your love for your child carry the day. Tune out the diagnosticians and labellers and notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who they are. Providing this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation, which in turn create joy and success in life. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing young people with ADHD need in dealing with behaviours. Ensure your child knows, every day, how much you love them. Showing your love and affection will reinforce your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather criticism from outside sources. Young people need love that never gives up. 4. Reframe Challenges in terms of Mirror Traits Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADHD. By recognising the mirror or flipside traits, you avoid the impact of shame and fear. 5. Surround yourself with Laughter Laughter is the best medicine. Surround yourself with people who can laugh. It is important to be able to regain a perspective that allows you to see the humour in all of the situations these youngsters can get into. Why wait to look back on something and laugh at it – go ahead and enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation in the moment. When our young people begin to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves quite so seriously, it allows them to learn humility without shame, and adds to their character and their enjoyment of life. Conclusion: As a parent, how you approach your child’s ADHD will set the tone for how your child manages their ADHD. When you show them compassion and understanding, you teach them to love themselves and see their strengths. That will help them find the motivation they need to manage their ADHD, one strategy at a time. Adapted from Hallowell, E.M ., Jensen, M.D. & P.S.,Ballantine, M.D. (2008) ' Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child ', 2008.

The subject of attraction often comes up in the therapy room and it is an interesting albeit complex topic to explore. In r omantic relationships, attraction is particularly nuanced because it draws on chemistry, emotional resonance, psychological needs, and cultural conditioning. Here's a breakdown of what typically makes someone attractive in a romantic  context: 1. Emotional Availability One of the strongest predictors of romantic attraction and relational longevity is: Attunement - being emotionally present, responsive, and capable of intimacy. Vulnerability - the ability to express inner thoughts and feelings in a way that invites closeness. Consistency - feeling safe and secure in the other person’s emotional presence. 2. Psychological Compatibility Romantic attraction often reflects our internal dynamics: Attachment style fit - anxious-avoidant pairings, for example, often feel electric but unstable. Familiarity with early relational patterns   - we may be drawn to those who unconsciously evoke parental or early caregiver dynamics (sometimes to heal, sometimes to repeat). Projection and idealisation  – early in romance, we may fall for who we hope  someone is. 3. Chemistry and Sexual Energy While difficult to define, "chemistry" includes: Pheromonal and biological responses   - subtle cues that trigger desire. Physical touch and body language - the way two bodies feel in proximity can be magnetic or off-putting. Energetic resonance - a felt sense of being drawn into a shared emotional/sexual field. 4. Shared Meaning and Values As attraction deepens: Life goals, ethics, and worldview  start to matter more. Shared language for love - e.g., compatible love languages, or how people express/receive care. Mutual respect and admiration - being each other's champion sustains long-term attraction. 5. Relational Dynamics Some relational traits are inherently attractive in romantic partners: Security with independence - being connected without enmeshment. Growth orientation - being interested in evolving together. Capacity for conflict and repair - the ability to navigate disagreement with empathy. 6. The Unconscious & The Archetypal In-depth approaches (like Jungian or psychodynamic models) suggest: We often fall in love with someone who carries an archetype we're seeking (e.g., the nurturer, the rebel, the muse). Romantic attraction can be an unconscious pull to integrate missing or undeveloped parts of the self (the anima/animus dynamic). Improving social skills and becoming more romantically attractive is about becoming more comfortable, authentic, and emotionally available  in how you relate to others. It's not about changing who you are - it's about bringing more of your best self into connection . Here’s a focused guide to help you build social confidence and  attract a potential date: 1. Work from the Inside Out Attraction begins with self-relationship: Build self-awareness : What are your strengths? What makes you unique? Knowing this helps you show up with grounded confidence. Challenge inner critics : If you carry beliefs like “I’m not interesting enough”  or “People won’t like me” , explore where those come from. They often block natural charisma. Develop a secure presence : Practice being at ease in your body — slow your breath, make gentle eye contact, relax your posture. People are drawn to those who feel safe in themselves. 2. Practice Conversation Like a Skill Social ease is learned through doing: Start small : Chat with a barista, ask a co-worker about their weekend, or make a passing comment in a queue. These low-stakes moments build fluency. Ask open-ended questions : “What do you enjoy doing?” or “What’s something that’s made you laugh lately?” These invite people to open up. Listen actively : People feel attracted to those who really hear them . Nod, reflect back what they say, and avoid planning your next line while they speak. 3. Use Authentic Flirting Flirting is simply expressing interest playfully and warmly: Make eye contact and smile : This signals openness and confidence. Use light teasing or humour : As long as it’s kind, shared laughter is a powerful connector. Give genuine compliments : Not just on looks - try something like, “You have a calming energy” or “I love how passionate you are about that.” 4. Be Visible and Approachable Create opportunities for connection: Join groups or events  that align with your interests - classes, clubs, workshops. Repeated exposure builds rapport. Watch your body language : Uncross your arms, turn toward people, and show interest. These cues make it easier for others to engage with you. Put yourself out there : Whether online dating or in-person, showing up is 90% of it. It’s okay to be nervous - courage is attractive. 5. Handle Rejection Gracefully This is where real growth happens: Don’t personalise it : Attraction is subjective. If someone doesn’t click with you, it’s about fit , not worth . Reflect and learn : Was there anything you’d like to do differently next time? If not, great - keep going. Keep showing up : Building social and romantic confidence is a numbers game and  an emotional journey. Inner Work That Attracts Cultivate passion : People are drawn to those who have interests and light up from within. Explore your attachment style : Knowing how you bond (anxious, avoidant, secure, etc.) helps you create healthier connections. Therapy or coaching : If social anxiety or self-doubt holds you back, a relational space can help shift deeper patterns.

Most of us are familiar with the idea of triggers. Even though it may be an overused term, it comes from a very important concept in psychology. One moment we are calm, the next we are thrown into despair and fear. Though it is important to be scared or angry when situations actually demand it, it can be hugely counterproductive to be taken over by powerful emotions that aren’t needed by what lies before us and that fail to help us productively in any way. The School of Life offer one perspective that may help. For me, avoiding triggers does not work. Learning to manage triggers can be helpful: 1. Recognise that our brain functions on an unconscious level relatively easily because it requires less work and brain capacity. However, when we seek to understand and name what triggers and activates us, we act with conscious awareness so we mindfully process and strategise to ensure our behaviours align with our values. Periodically check in with yourself to assess whether you’re focused, tuned in and being in the present. You can do this by training your mind through mindfulness exercises and meditative practices. 2. Understand your projections (i.e. the thoughts, feelings or behaviours we project onto another person), negative core beliefs, narratives, impulses and values. When these are challenged you are more likely to be triggered. Be curious and study yourself. Therapy is a great way to do this. 3. Become familiar with your adaptations to understand your triggers better. Aim to understand what changes in behaviour you made to “survive” what was challenging or difficult for you. Evaluate how this gets enacted or acted out in your general behaviour and in your relationships now. 4. Understand your thoughts and feelings to recognise your triggers. Thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, which can be from moment to moment, depending on factors such as perceptions, experiences and coping skills. Within a given hour, you can flow through a range of emotions, such as joyfulness, sadness and anger . Take pauses, be curious, and study your thoughts and feelings. Notice if you have reactions or judgments about your thoughts and feelings. 5. Don’t believe everything that’s thought or felt. As trigger reactions occur in the limbic or emotional centre of the brain, they can be irrational. They often elicit the part of us that cannot hear or listen to reason. Question the quality of your thoughts and feelings. How do they show up? Why do they show up that way? What does it mean to you? Thoughts and feelings can be reframed and shifted. 6. Realise that not all thoughts and feelings, whether emotional, somatic or physiological, need to be reacted to. We give too much credence to our thoughts and feelings and generally believe we must always react to them. They’re helpful in letting you know what’s meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to react to them instantaneously. Keep in mind that your behaviours are a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Take the time to gently and compassionately remind yourself that you are the CEO of your life and get to make decisions on your own behalf. 7. Thank your mind for its generosity and graciousness in making you aware of your unhealed parts or unresolved issues through your triggers. It’s your brain and body’s way of protecting you from discomfort and “danger.” When you are triggered, it’s your need to self-reflect and gain insight to your wounded parts or the unresolved issues that you still need to attend to. You can create new neural networks in your brain and rewire your nervous system to perceive and react to things differently going forward. You can reframe things and notice your resilience , how much you’ve grown, and your ability to change. 8. Recognise that your development will be an ongoing commitment and practice with slips and triggers along the way. Give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that you’re attempting to change years of conditioned behaviours and develop a compassionate relationship with yourself and others as you and they work toward healing and growth. You and others will be more open to change and recalibrating when it’s necessary when feeling free of judgment, nurtured and supported. When you learn to gain deeper awareness around your triggers and can self-soothe and act mindfully, then you can shift from self-blame and projection onto others to accountability, sharing and connection. Maybe triggers are little gifts that enhance your ability to notice unhealed or unresolved parts of yourself and point directly to where you have personal work to do to improve yourself and your relationships with others. These moments can be appreciated and celebrated on your journey toward growth and enhancement. More The School of Life videos can be enjoyed with a subscription: https://t.ly/b1AiN Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: https://t.ly/XZ7BB FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects here: https://bit.ly/3gKKwRU

My life decided to take a downward turn last February starting with a leak from the kitchen ceiling which caused the electricity to cut out and the ceiling to come down. This impacted my neighbours, my work and my income. Managing this caused stress and then a close family member had a heart attack... So! When life becomes chaotic, it can certainly feel like you're being swept away by a current you didn’t choose yet keeping going  doesn’t mean pushing blindly through. For me, it means steadying yourself  in small, intentional ways. Here are some ideas that might help anchor you like they helped me: 🌪️ Acknowledge the Stress and Chaos Without Sinking Into It Let yourself name what’s happening. “ This is a lot right now. ” That simple statement can be grounding. You don’t have to make sense of it all immediately. Just recognise: " this is hard and I am still here." 🧩 Focus on What You Can  Control Structure helps. Small routines (making tea, writing a list, a short walk, writing a blog) can reintroduce a sense of agency. Break tasks into the next doable  step — not the next five, just the next one . 💬 Connect With Others Chaos is isolating yet reaching out (even briefly) to a friend, family, therapist, or support group can bring perspective and warmth. I went dancing - very good to get away from the mess! You don’t need solutions from others, just presence. 🧘 Slow Moments Are a Form of Resistance Deep breaths. A pause. Looking out the window watching the rain, noticing the flowers or just the street. In a chaotic world, slowness and care are radical acts of self-protection. 🌱 Remember: Survival Is Enough There will be time later for thriving. Right now, surviving  is noble, real work! Keeping going doesn’t require perfection — only persistence and gentleness. This happens to us all - just take one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time... Remember the quote most often attributed to Winston Churchill " if you're going through hell, keep going ." It reminds us that even in difficult times perseverance is moving forward. Remember the tortoise and the hare...

A busy urban street scene overlaid with a quote by Gabor Maté highlights the internal nature of trauma, emphasising the psychological impact over external events. When a child aligns strongly with one parent after family separation and begins to reject the other - often with sudden, intense dislike - the underlying issue is rarely as simple as it appears. Whether it is labelled " parental alienation ," " resist/refuse dynamics ," or dismissed entirely, what is frequently missed is the profound attachment trauma that underpins this behaviour. Drawing on the work of Karen Woodall and the Family Separation Clinic, this is not simply a behavioural issue or a loyalty conflict in isolation, but is a relational trauma. It is a trauma that originates in the child’s attachment system, which has been forced to adapt - often maladapt - in the face of overwhelming adult dynamics and psychological splitting. Psychological Splitting and Attachment Trauma Maladaptation What do I mean by this? Children are highly sensitive to the emotional climates in which they live. When exposed to a high-conflict post-separation environment, especially one where a caregiver is unpredictable, distressed, or coercively controlling, children may enter a disorganised attachment state. As Woodall and others have shown, children reflexively adapt to the dominant emotional narrative of the parent they are most dependent on - not out of preference, but as a survival strategy. The attachment literature is clear: in the face of unpredictability or fear, children often disavow their own emotional needs and align themselves with what they perceive the caregiving adult needs or wants. This phenomenon is well-documented in the work of Bowlby, Main, and Crittenden. It is an unconscious, protective adaptation - not an informed rejection. The Role of the Resident Parent Post-separation, children are often primarily resident with one parent. If this parent is emotionally distressed, angry, fearful, or transmitting subtle (or overt) inter-psychic messages that the other parent is dangerous, irrelevant, or disposable, the child may begin to internalise this narrative. The psychological safety of staying " aligned " with the dominant parent becomes more important than preserving a previously loving relationship with the other. The result is rejection - not just of the other parent, but of an entire part of the child’s identity. As Karen Woodall argues, this is not about blame. In some cases, the non-resident parent may be enacting coercive control themselves. These situations are complex and nuanced. But what is consistent is the mechanism of splitting - the all-good/all-bad narrative that develops in the child's mind - and the emotional tone of rejection: it is almost always laced with contempt, disdain, and an absence of ambivalence. When “Alienation” Becomes a Gendered Battleground Debates around parental alienation are increasingly polarised. In some feminist circles, the concept is viewed as a tactic used by abusive fathers to silence mothers' safeguarding concerns. In response, some groups have reframed the dynamic when it happens to women as “ Child and Mother Sabotage. ” In the USA, Dr. Craig Childress has attempted to ground this phenomenon in attachment theory through the framework of ABPA (Attachment-Based Parental Alienation), while at the Family Separation Clinic, Woodall refers to it simply and clearly as attachment-related trauma . Whatever we call it, the children involved are too often lost in the battle. As Woodall points out, their lived experience is subsumed under political narratives. When advocacy for parental rights - on either side - overshadows the developmental needs of the child, what results is the normalisation of emotional abuse. Hidden harm becomes invisible, unspoken, and unexplored. A Hidden Loss I have seen videos myself from a time before the rejection began. The child’s face was alight with joy and connection, their world rich with family, friendship, and emotional security yet today, that relationship no longer exists. Not because the parent harmed the child, but because the child was caught in the gravitational pull of overwhelming adult needs. The loss is profound - and the child, now older, may not even realise it. As Woodall and others note, the psychological cost doesn’t vanish. It waits. It surfaces later - perhaps when that child becomes a parent themselves and finds they don’t know how to securely attach or when they repeat the same rejection pattern, passing on an intergenerational trauma that no one ever named. What Needs to Change? There are  situations where children are better off without a harmful or abusive parent. This cannot be denied. But what must also be acknowledged is that in many cases of stark parent-child rejection post-separation, the issue is not protection but coercion, not safety but fear-based adaptation. Until we face the reality that some children are being forced - psychologically and emotionally - to sever loving bonds with a once-secure caregiver, we will continue to miss the mark. We will fail these children again and again. Karen Woodall writes that we must stop viewing these dynamics through a binary lens of belief/disbelief, alienation/abuse, mother/father. Instead, we must attune ourselves to the child’s experience - their terror, their confusion, their loss. We must speak the language of attachment, not ideology. Final Thoughts I don’t need to watch videos of children smiling in the arms of parents they later rejected to convince me of the scale of this hidden harm. But when I do, I am reminded why this work matters - not for the parents, but for the children who grow up not knowing what they lost, and who may carry that loss like an unexploded bomb into the next generation. We say we care about child abuse yet until we recognise attachment trauma caused by coercive family dynamics for what it is, we are only seeing part of the picture. If we listened to children’s experiences more closely - really listened - we might find the will to act. For more information and Karen Woodall's excellent Blog: Karen Woodall – Psychotherapist, Writer, Researcher, Trainer. – SUBSCRIBE TO MY THERAPEUTIC PARENTING NEWSLETTER HERE.

Albert Einstein on changing thinking We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. In his famous quote, Albert Einstein has thought-provoking insight into our process of solving problems. He wonders if the thinking that led us towards our challenges is highly unlikely to be effective in resolving them. His words emphasise the necessity for a shift in mindset, a change in our current thinking, examining things from new perspectives to tackle our problems more effectively. Einstein's words encourage us to recognise the limitations of our current thinking and embrace the possibility of exploring different pathways. This quote embodies the essence of innovation and progress – that successful solutions are often found beyond the boundaries of familiar thinking. To fully understand the significance of the quote, we can dive into the world of philosophy and explore the concept of paradigm shifts. Often attributed to Thomas Kuhn, a philosopher of science, paradigm shifts refer to major changes in the way we understand our world. They happen when the model or framework of thinking of the day, no longer adequately explains new observations or problems. When we are facing challenges, either on a global or individual scale, it is crucial to understand and accept the limitations of our existing thinking and be open to exploring alternative approaches. Einstein's words encourage us to stretch and push our comfort zones, question current conventions, and create the conditions for new solutions that could shape a better future.

The BBC reported back in October 2023 that there is growing evidence that simple, everyday changes to our lives can alter our brains and change how they work.  It seems meditation and exercise together can boost brain plasticity. Changing your mind may just be a possibility! So how do we keep our brains healthy?   BBC journalist Melissa Hogenboom explores the latest scientific research and has her own brain scanned and analysed, with intriguing results. Watch part two of Brain Hacks here: https://www.bbc.com/reel/playlist/bra ...

Sadly I so often hear adults say they are not creative, they can't draw or they can't write. I try to encourage having a go, it's more about the process than the outcome and how relaxing it can be. So, meet Roger. Roger was super-creative but he had a major secret. Until one day..... In his first animated film, best-selling author Danny Gregory tells the story of how an artist overcame his block — and changed his life forever. Create...it's good for you. If you liked this story, please share it with someone who could use it. This story began as one of Danny's essays. Subscribe for free at dannysessays.com and get more stories like this every Friday. 00:00  Meet Roger 01:10  Meet Zoe 01:45  The Garden 02:26  The Magic Marker 03:50  Progress 04:43  The Drawing Life 05:15  Uh-oh 05:38  Meet Danny

Henri Matisse once said that creativity takes courage so what does that mean? How does creative courage affect what artists and other people do? When beginning a new project, we face a decision how to approach the work. Is attempting to be creative worth it? Or are the costs too high? What risk does one dare to take? Do I feel brave? Often we default to common beliefs and practices that squash our creative spirit. We frequently allow the myth that creative ideas spring from a bolt of lightning with no forewarning or preparation to dominate. Similarly, we may seldom take creative chances because of an innate fear of failure, which could mean financial loss or occupational termination. Or we continually participate in brainstorming sessions in a quest for “the ultimate solution” only to discover that we’ve wasted time and achieved little progress. This might be our big mistake - believing that a creative idea must be a big idea - on par with humans landing on the moon, building the Pyramids, or painting the Sistine Chapel. Yes, these are big creative events, but true creativity may be founded on the principle of little glimmers; the small golden nuggets we find when we see creativity as “looking for the small, not just the big" - discovering a synonym for “happy” in the story we’re writing, mixing three new colours together for the sky in a landscape painting we’re working on or buying a scarf, not because it’s cool, but because it has pictures of dogs on it. Taking a new route to work, discovering that a paper clip can be used to repair a broken toy or making a “snow-pig” rather than a snowman (or snowwoman) can be viewed as creative acts. Even using a brand-new spice in your favourite recipe simply because you fancy it...is creative! A tiny creative act every day puts us in a growth mindset and begins to challenge those beliefs that may have negatively influenced our thinking for so long. We move away from the fixed mindset and into new realms of creative expression. Like the apple, we can all profit from one a day.