Most of us are familiar with the idea of triggers. Even though it may be an overused term, it comes from a very important concept in psychology. One moment we are calm, the next we are thrown into despair and fear. Though it is important to be scared or angry when situations actually demand it, it can be hugely counterproductive to be taken over by powerful emotions that aren’t needed by what lies before us and that fail to help us productively in any way. The School of Life offer one perspective that may help. For me, avoiding triggers does not work. Learning to manage triggers can be helpful: 1. Recognise that our brain functions on an unconscious level relatively easily because it requires less work and brain capacity. However, when we seek to understand and name what triggers and activates us, we act with conscious awareness so we mindfully process and strategise to ensure our behaviours align with our values. Periodically check in with yourself to assess whether you’re focused, tuned in and being in the present. You can do this by training your mind through mindfulness exercises and meditative practices. 2. Understand your projections (i.e. the thoughts, feelings or behaviours we project onto another person), negative core beliefs, narratives, impulses and values. When these are challenged you are more likely to be triggered. Be curious and study yourself. Therapy is a great way to do this. 3. Become familiar with your adaptations to understand your triggers better. Aim to understand what changes in behaviour you made to “survive” what was challenging or difficult for you. Evaluate how this gets enacted or acted out in your general behaviour and in your relationships now. 4. Understand your thoughts and feelings to recognise your triggers. Thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, which can be from moment to moment, depending on factors such as perceptions, experiences and coping skills. Within a given hour, you can flow through a range of emotions, such as joyfulness, sadness and anger . Take pauses, be curious, and study your thoughts and feelings. Notice if you have reactions or judgments about your thoughts and feelings. 5. Don’t believe everything that’s thought or felt. As trigger reactions occur in the limbic or emotional centre of the brain, they can be irrational. They often elicit the part of us that cannot hear or listen to reason. Question the quality of your thoughts and feelings. How do they show up? Why do they show up that way? What does it mean to you? Thoughts and feelings can be reframed and shifted. 6. Realise that not all thoughts and feelings, whether emotional, somatic or physiological, need to be reacted to. We give too much credence to our thoughts and feelings and generally believe we must always react to them. They’re helpful in letting you know what’s meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to react to them instantaneously. Keep in mind that your behaviours are a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Take the time to gently and compassionately remind yourself that you are the CEO of your life and get to make decisions on your own behalf. 7. Thank your mind for its generosity and graciousness in making you aware of your unhealed parts or unresolved issues through your triggers. It’s your brain and body’s way of protecting you from discomfort and “danger.” When you are triggered, it’s your need to self-reflect and gain insight to your wounded parts or the unresolved issues that you still need to attend to. You can create new neural networks in your brain and rewire your nervous system to perceive and react to things differently going forward. You can reframe things and notice your resilience , how much you’ve grown, and your ability to change. 8. Recognise that your development will be an ongoing commitment and practice with slips and triggers along the way. Give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that you’re attempting to change years of conditioned behaviours and develop a compassionate relationship with yourself and others as you and they work toward healing and growth. You and others will be more open to change and recalibrating when it’s necessary when feeling free of judgment, nurtured and supported. When you learn to gain deeper awareness around your triggers and can self-soothe and act mindfully, then you can shift from self-blame and projection onto others to accountability, sharing and connection. Maybe triggers are little gifts that enhance your ability to notice unhealed or unresolved parts of yourself and point directly to where you have personal work to do to improve yourself and your relationships with others. These moments can be appreciated and celebrated on your journey toward growth and enhancement. More The School of Life videos can be enjoyed with a subscription: https://t.ly/b1AiN Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: https://t.ly/XZ7BB FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects here: https://bit.ly/3gKKwRU

I find this idea extremely interesting.  In a culture where the medical model is revered - the belief we need fixing because we are broken is a familiar goal.  Here, author and teacher Jeff Foster challenges the core myth of healing - that you should be healed 'by now'. Healing is not a destination, but a present-moment welcoming of all the 'guests' in awareness, a call to LOVE. Sadness, anger, fear, doubt, do not want to be healed, but held. What would happen if we learn to embrace and sit with our feelings? Filmed live at a meeting on 26th April 2015 in the Netherlands: http://www.lifewithoutacentre.com In a world that often rushes us from one emotion to the next, there is immense power in pausing to sit with our feelings. The idea that we need to fix ourselves constantly overlooks the beauty of simply being with our emotions until we are ready to accept them. It’s time to slow down, breathe, and explore the art of embracing our feelings fully. Understanding the Importance of Sitting with Our Feelings Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They provide us with valuable insights into our inner world, guiding us through life's highs and lows. However, society's emphasis on instant solutions and quick fixes can hinder our ability to truly understand and process our emotions. By allowing ourselves to sit with our feelings, we create space for introspection and self-discovery. It is in these moments of stillness that we can unravel the complexities of our emotions, gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves in the process. The Healing Power of Acceptance Acceptance is a transformative force that emerges when we embrace our feelings without judgment or resistance. It is not about pushing away uncomfortable emotions but rather acknowledging them as a natural part of the human experience. When we accept our feelings, we grant ourselves the permission to be vulnerable and authentic. Through this vulnerability, we cultivate compassion towards ourselves and others, fostering deeper connections and emotional resilience. The Process of Sitting with Our Feelings Sitting with our feelings is an active process that requires patience and self-compassion. It involves acknowledging our emotions without trying to change or suppress them. Instead, we observe our feelings with curiosity and kindness, allowing them to surface and dissipate organically. During this process, it is essential to engage in self-care activities that nurture our emotional well-being. Whether it's journaling, meditating, or seeking support from loved ones, finding healthy outlets to express our feelings can facilitate the healing journey. Embracing Vulnerability and Growth Through the practice of sitting with our feelings, we embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Vulnerability opens the door to personal growth and self-empowerment, enabling us to confront our fears and insecurities with courage and grace. As we develop our sense of emotional resilience through sitting with our feelings, we create a greater capacity to navigate life's challenges with resilience and authenticity. Embracing our emotions becomes a transformative process that empowers us to lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. In a culture that often prioritises productivity over self-reflection, the medical model over the therapeutic, the art of sitting with our feelings offers a powerful antidote to the noise and distractions of daily life. By embracing our emotions and accepting them with grace, we enter a world of self-discovery and growth that enriches our lives in profound ways. So, the next time you find yourself grappling with difficult emotions, remember that you don't need fixing – try sitting with your feelings until you are ready to accept them. Let this practice be your guide to greater emotional awareness, resilience and self-love.

Going back into studying again - as a supervisor , this time - those imposter feelings were once more triggered. Looking around at my highly qualified and experienced colleagues, the self doubt began to appear. Despite recent comments that says, “ stop telling women they have imposter syndrome ” Sheaba Chacko has found a Hidden Truth about imposter syndrome’s roots as she works through her own baggage and helps her clients resolve theirs. Imposter syndrome is the by-product of having to project “ The Representative Self ” what we believe is approved of by society at the expense of rejecting “ The True Self. ” So instead of leaving a legacy, this duplicitous living lends to a litany of physical and mental health struggles. Sheaba's own personal experience with imposter syndrome has a universal message for all of us who live on the margins of mainstream life and has spent their lives trying to be what their culture defines as “normal”. Sheaba is a courageous speaker who knows how to inspire others with her own vulnerability. Known for making her own life choices, Sheaba rejected the typical South Indian career pathways of Engineering and Medicine to become a licensed professional counsellor. Despite the stigma associated with mental health, especially in communities of colour, she went on to open her private practice, Fearless Permission! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organised by a local community.

None of us are going to get out of here alive. If we are lucky, we will live long and healthy lives. What can help us to achieve this? What we do know is having a purpose in life can help people maintain physical function and independence as they age. According to researchers from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, older adults who reported having goals for the future and a sense of meaning had better grip strength and walking speed than those who didn't. The reason why having a sense of purpose helps healthy aging isn't fully understood yet but it may be that those who have it take better care of their health, have better impulse control and engage in healthier activities than those who don't.

The summer months brings various activities with other people. Some with old friends and others rich with the possibility of making new friendships. In the journey of self-discovery and growth, there exists a powerful and invaluable force that often goes unrecognised but plays a vital role in our well-being - friendship. For all of us, the significance of fostering and nurturing friendships cannot be understated. Understanding the Essence of Friendship Friendship is not merely a bond between individuals; it is a cornerstone of emotional support and companionship. Good friends are like beacons in the stormy seas of life, providing solace, understanding and acceptance in times of joy and sorrow. During therapy, we can delve deep into our personal struggles and triumphs, but the impact of genuine friendships outside these walls can be equally profound. The Impact on Mental Well-being Research has shown that strong social connections can have a direct positive impact on our mental health. Engaging in meaningful friendships can reduce feelings of loneliness, improve self-esteem and serve as a buffer against stress and anxiety. Maintaining and nurturing our friendships can complement any professional support we receive and enhance our overall emotional wellness. Nurturing Friendships in the Digital Age In today's digital landscape, the definition of friendship has evolved. Social media platforms offer a convenient way to stay connected, but the quality of these interactions can often pale in comparison to face-to-face connections. It is essential to grow authentic relationships that go beyond virtual likes and comments. Engaging in meaningful conversations, sharing experiences and fostering trust are the pillars of lasting friendships that can enrich our lives. The Reciprocity of Friendship Reciprocity is essential in a healthy friendship which makes it very different to personal therapy. Being a good friend entails offering support, empathy, and understanding but also being willing to receive these gifts in return. It is crucial to understand the delicate balance of giving and receiving, and friendships provide a safe space to practice this. Conclusion: Embracing the Gift of Friendship As we navigate the complexities of our inner worlds, we cannot overlook the profound impact of friendship on our emotional well-being. Through the therapeutic relationship, we can explore growth and healing, and meaningful friendships can be a powerful complement to professional support. Let us cherish and nurture these connections that enrich our lives and remind us that we are never alone on this journey of self-discovery. After all, no man is an island. We all need each other. In conclusion, as we reflect on the value of friendship in our lives, let us embrace the gift of companionship, support and understanding that true friendships offer. Remember, in the tapestry of life, friends are the colourful threads that weave a personal beautiful story of resilience, love and connection.

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of constant activity, leading to a pervasive sense of exhaustion. We often wear our busyness like a badge of honour, believing that the more tasks we juggle, the more successful and fulfilled we must be. But what if this obsession with productivity is actually hindering our well-being rather than enhancing it? The Illusion of Productivity The constant need to feel busy can trap us in a cycle of fatigue and burnout. We equate being busy with being valuable, but in reality, this mindset can lead to a decline in mental and physical health. It's crucial to understand that true productivity isn't about how much we can cram into a day but rather how effectively we can manage our time and energy. Combatting the Exhaustion Epidemic 1. Prioritise Self-Care Embracing self-care practices is not a luxury but a necessity. Make time for activities that rejuvenate your mind and body, whether it's meditation, exercise or simply unplugging from technology. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial for sustained productivity. 2. Practice Mindfulness The practice of mindfulness allows us to be fully present in the moment, reducing stress and promoting mental clarity. By focusing on the task at hand without distractions, we can accomplish more in less time while fostering a sense of calm. 3. Set Boundaries Learn to say no to tasks that don't align with your priorities. Setting boundaries is essential for preserving your energy and preventing overload. Remember, it's okay to decline opportunities that will only contribute to your sense of busyness. 4. Delegate and Collaborate Don't be afraid to ask for help when needed. Delegate tasks that can be handled by others and collaborate with colleagues to lighten your workload. Recognize that true efficiency often involves teamwork rather than sole responsibility. Breaking Free from the Cult of Busy It's time to challenge the pervasive narrative that equates busyness with worth. By re-evaluating our relationship with productivity and embracing a more balanced approach to life, we can break free from the shackles of exhaustion and reclaim our well-being. Let's strive not to glorify the hustle but to prioritize our health and happiness above all else. Remember, it's not about being constantly busy but about being purposeful in our actions and intentional in our pursuit of a fulfilling life. So, take a moment to breathe, to rest, and to reflect. Uncover the myth of exhaustion, break free from the cult of busy, and embrace a life that's truly enriching and sustainable. In the end, it's not about how much we do but how well we do it that truly matters. Let's redefine our relationship with busyness and choose vitality over exhaustion, purpose over perpetual motion.

In psychotherapy, the power dynamics at play are often subtle yet impactful. These dynamics shape the relationship between therapists and clients. It's essential to understand how power, privilege and oppression influence therapy to create a fair and effective environment for healing. In this post, we will explore tangible ways to recognise and address these dynamics. Understanding Power and Privilege Power and privilege are not just theoretical ideas; they directly impact people's lives in therapy. Each person in the therapeutic relationship brings their unique backgrounds, values and experiences. Power can emerge from various factors, such as race, gender, socioeconomic status and education level. For example, research shows that over 60% of therapists (in the U.S. and likely to be similar here) are white, which may leave clients from diverse backgrounds feeling less understood or marginalised. A highly qualified, academic therapist may unintentionally dominate the work, leaving clients feeling unheard. For instance, a counsellor who is white and middle-class might overlook the challenges faced by a client of colour from a lower socioeconomic background. Recognisng these differences are crucial for fostering a supportive therapeutic environment. This is why it is essential therapists have explored their own biases and prejudices in their personal therapy, increasing their own self awareness. The Role of Intersectionality It's important to understand intersectionality, as it illustrates how multiple identities shape experiences of privilege and oppression. A therapist who holds societal privileges may not fully grasp the challenges faced by clients with intersecting marginalised identities. For example, consider a well-educated, cisgender, heterosexual male therapist. His worldview may significantly differ from that of a queer, transgender woman of colour, who experiences biases on multiple fronts. By addressing this complexity, therapists can engage in deeper discussions that validate the unique realities of their clients, thereby enriching the therapeutic process. Oppression and Its Impact on Therapy Oppression appears in various forms within therapy. It can affect clients who may feel belittled or dismissed, as well as therapists who face societal pressure and biases. Consider the challenges a therapist from a minority background might experience: they could encounter imposter syndrome or difficulty establishing credibility. When therapists recognise these layers of oppression, they can respond with greater empathy and understanding. In turn, clients who feel seen and respected are more likely to engage more honestly in their therapeutic journey. Strategies for Awareness and Change To effectively tackle power dynamics, therapists can commit to continuous self-reflection and education. Here are some practical strategies that can foster a more equitable therapeutic setting: Active Listening : Therapists focus on actively listening to validate the feelings and experiences of clients, particularly those from marginalised backgrounds. This could take the form of paraphrasing what clients say to demonstrate understanding, validating feelings and empathising. Cultural Competence Training : Ongoing education in cultural humility empowers therapists to connect with clients on a deeper level. Research indicates that training can lead to a 45% increase in therapist-client rapport. Open Conversations : Creating an environment for open discussions about power and privilege can help both parties explore sensitive topics safely. A study found that nearly 70% of clients appreciate when therapists acknowledge these dynamics. By integrating these strategies, therapy can become a richer and more inclusive experience for everyone involved. Embracing Transformation Acknowledging power dynamics in psychotherapy goes beyond theoretical discussions; it is vital for fostering genuine healing. Ideally both therapists and clients play active roles in understanding and addressing power, privilege and oppression in their interactions. By approaching these conversations openly, the therapeutic relationship can evolve into a transformative experience. In doing this, psychotherapy can better cater to the diverse needs of individuals seeking support and fostering more equitable outcomes for all.

The School of Life has created another super short film all about our capacity to think - positive, neutral and negative thoughts as well as irrational and compulsive. It is estimated that some 70,000 separate thoughts hurry through our consciousness from the moment we wake up to the time we slip into sleep. To help us understand those thoughts The School of Life have produced five questions to direct our minds to areas which we tend to neglect and from where trouble can most intensely arise when we do so. Reflections before bed may just be a helpful beginning. FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects in our articles, here: https://9qq0.short.gy/okh44o “Our minds are some of the busiest places in the known universe. It is estimated that, under a deceptively calm exterior, some 70,000 separate thoughts hurry through consciousness from the moment we wake up to the time we slip into sleep – some of these elaborate and sequential, many more fragmentary and sensory by nature. What these many thoughts have in common is that we seldom do them any kind of justice. The river of ideas and feelings is relentless, turbulent and chaotic. In a typical minute, we might briefly register that we are annoyed with a friend, then our minds are directed to a worry about a tax return, which is then quickly supplanted by the sighting of a raven, which makes us think of our grandmother, who evokes a trip we once took to Greece, which ushers in thoughts of some lip balm we need to purchase, which is then supplanted by a registering of a pain in our left knee, which is succeeded by a memory of a friend we lost touch with after university, which cedes to a recurring reflection on what kind of lamp we might invest in for the living room. And we might here still only be at the thirty second mark of what we casually call ‘thinking’ or just ‘gazing out of the window’…”

One of the most vital of all life skills is soothing; the art of calming oneself down, restoring perspective and remembering to be kind to oneself. Too often, because we were never properly soothed by others as children, we have no idea how to soothe ourselves as adults. We need to learn the significance of soothing. Here the School of Life guides us in how to soothe ourselves and, in turn, others. FURTHER READING “It’s the middle of the night, let’s imagine, and we’ve been on the earth for about three months. A lot is still very unclear. We are profoundly helpless, barely able to move our own head and utterly at the mercy of others. The sources of our suffering and joy lie far outside our understanding. Hugely powerful needs pass through us at regular intervals and we have no way of making sense of them to ourselves – let alone of communicating them reliably to others…” On Soothing - The School of Life

Missing someone hurts. It is normal but why does it hurt so much? Are we weak to feel this or is it a strength? The School of Life explains that missing someone that we’re close to – because they’ve had to go to another country, or are up in the north on a course, or went on a hiking trip with their friends – is such an unpleasant emotion and it feels peculiar to suggest that it is also, at a profound level, an extraordinary achievement and an important marker of emotional maturity. It is in no way simple for an archetypal adult to be able to miss anyone and we are often, almost without knowing it, engaged in complex manoeuvres to ensure that we resolutely won’t…

Sadly I so often hear adults say they are not creative, they can't draw or they can't write. I try to encourage having a go, it's more about the process than the outcome and how relaxing it can be. So, meet Roger. Roger was super-creative but he had a major secret. Until one day..... In his first animated film, best-selling author Danny Gregory tells the story of how an artist overcame his block — and changed his life forever. Create...it's good for you. If you liked this story, please share it with someone who could use it. This story began as one of Danny's essays. Subscribe for free at dannysessays.com and get more stories like this every Friday. 00:00  Meet Roger 01:10  Meet Zoe 01:45  The Garden 02:26  The Magic Marker 03:50  Progress 04:43  The Drawing Life 05:15  Uh-oh 05:38  Meet Danny

Henri Matisse once said that creativity takes courage so what does that mean? How does creative courage affect what artists and other people do? When beginning a new project, we face a decision how to approach the work. Is attempting to be creative worth it? Or are the costs too high? What risk does one dare to take? Do I feel brave? Often we default to common beliefs and practices that squash our creative spirit. We frequently allow the myth that creative ideas spring from a bolt of lightning with no forewarning or preparation to dominate. Similarly, we may seldom take creative chances because of an innate fear of failure, which could mean financial loss or occupational termination. Or we continually participate in brainstorming sessions in a quest for “the ultimate solution” only to discover that we’ve wasted time and achieved little progress. This might be our big mistake - believing that a creative idea must be a big idea - on par with humans landing on the moon, building the Pyramids, or painting the Sistine Chapel. Yes, these are big creative events, but true creativity may be founded on the principle of little glimmers; the small golden nuggets we find when we see creativity as “looking for the small, not just the big" - discovering a synonym for “happy” in the story we’re writing, mixing three new colours together for the sky in a landscape painting we’re working on or buying a scarf, not because it’s cool, but because it has pictures of dogs on it. Taking a new route to work, discovering that a paper clip can be used to repair a broken toy or making a “snow-pig” rather than a snowman (or snowwoman) can be viewed as creative acts. Even using a brand-new spice in your favourite recipe simply because you fancy it...is creative! A tiny creative act every day puts us in a growth mindset and begins to challenge those beliefs that may have negatively influenced our thinking for so long. We move away from the fixed mindset and into new realms of creative expression. Like the apple, we can all profit from one a day.