None of us are going to get out of here alive. If we are lucky, we will live long and healthy lives. What can help us to achieve this? What we do know is having a purpose in life can help people maintain physical function and independence as they age. According to researchers from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, older adults who reported having goals for the future and a sense of meaning had better grip strength and walking speed than those who didn't. The reason why having a sense of purpose helps healthy aging isn't fully understood yet but it may be that those who have it take better care of their health, have better impulse control and engage in healthier activities than those who don't.

Going back into studying again - as a supervisor , this time - those imposter feelings were once more triggered. Looking around at my highly qualified and experienced colleagues, the self doubt began to appear. Despite recent comments that says, “ stop telling women they have imposter syndrome ” Sheaba Chacko has found a Hidden Truth about imposter syndrome’s roots as she works through her own baggage and helps her clients resolve theirs. Imposter syndrome is the by-product of having to project “ The Representative Self ” what we believe is approved of by society at the expense of rejecting “ The True Self. ” So instead of leaving a legacy, this duplicitous living lends to a litany of physical and mental health struggles. Sheaba's own personal experience with imposter syndrome has a universal message for all of us who live on the margins of mainstream life and has spent their lives trying to be what their culture defines as “normal”. Sheaba is a courageous speaker who knows how to inspire others with her own vulnerability. Known for making her own life choices, Sheaba rejected the typical South Indian career pathways of Engineering and Medicine to become a licensed professional counsellor. Despite the stigma associated with mental health, especially in communities of colour, she went on to open her private practice, Fearless Permission! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organised by a local community.

I find this idea extremely interesting.  In a culture where the medical model is revered - the belief we need fixing because we are broken is a familiar goal.  Here, author and teacher Jeff Foster challenges the core myth of healing - that you should be healed 'by now'. Healing is not a destination, but a present-moment welcoming of all the 'guests' in awareness, a call to LOVE. Sadness, anger, fear, doubt, do not want to be healed, but held. What would happen if we learn to embrace and sit with our feelings? Filmed live at a meeting on 26th April 2015 in the Netherlands: http://www.lifewithoutacentre.com In a world that often rushes us from one emotion to the next, there is immense power in pausing to sit with our feelings. The idea that we need to fix ourselves constantly overlooks the beauty of simply being with our emotions until we are ready to accept them. It’s time to slow down, breathe, and explore the art of embracing our feelings fully. Understanding the Importance of Sitting with Our Feelings Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They provide us with valuable insights into our inner world, guiding us through life's highs and lows. However, society's emphasis on instant solutions and quick fixes can hinder our ability to truly understand and process our emotions. By allowing ourselves to sit with our feelings, we create space for introspection and self-discovery. It is in these moments of stillness that we can unravel the complexities of our emotions, gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves in the process. The Healing Power of Acceptance Acceptance is a transformative force that emerges when we embrace our feelings without judgment or resistance. It is not about pushing away uncomfortable emotions but rather acknowledging them as a natural part of the human experience. When we accept our feelings, we grant ourselves the permission to be vulnerable and authentic. Through this vulnerability, we cultivate compassion towards ourselves and others, fostering deeper connections and emotional resilience. The Process of Sitting with Our Feelings Sitting with our feelings is an active process that requires patience and self-compassion. It involves acknowledging our emotions without trying to change or suppress them. Instead, we observe our feelings with curiosity and kindness, allowing them to surface and dissipate organically. During this process, it is essential to engage in self-care activities that nurture our emotional well-being. Whether it's journaling, meditating, or seeking support from loved ones, finding healthy outlets to express our feelings can facilitate the healing journey. Embracing Vulnerability and Growth Through the practice of sitting with our feelings, we embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Vulnerability opens the door to personal growth and self-empowerment, enabling us to confront our fears and insecurities with courage and grace. As we develop our sense of emotional resilience through sitting with our feelings, we create a greater capacity to navigate life's challenges with resilience and authenticity. Embracing our emotions becomes a transformative process that empowers us to lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. In a culture that often prioritises productivity over self-reflection, the medical model over the therapeutic, the art of sitting with our feelings offers a powerful antidote to the noise and distractions of daily life. By embracing our emotions and accepting them with grace, we enter a world of self-discovery and growth that enriches our lives in profound ways. So, the next time you find yourself grappling with difficult emotions, remember that you don't need fixing – try sitting with your feelings until you are ready to accept them. Let this practice be your guide to greater emotional awareness, resilience and self-love.

Relationships always need good communication skills but should we be aware of other dynamics within a larger age-gap relationship such as where one person is 10 years older than the other? It is probably no surprise it appears it can work well or present particular challenges, depending on individual circumstances, power dynamics and emotional maturity. Here’s a brief list of the potential pros and cons: Pros of Age-Gap Relationships ✅ Emotional Maturity & Stability  – The older partner may bring emotional stability, life experience, and a clearer sense of direction in life, which can be reassuring for the younger partner. ✅ Financial Security  – If the older partner has an established career, financial security can reduce stress in the relationship and allow for more shared experiences. ✅ Different Perspectives & Growth  – The age gap can lead to valuable exchanges of wisdom and fresh perspectives, enriching both partners. ✅ Commitment Readiness  – The older partner might be more ready for commitment, family life, or settling down, aligning with the younger partner’s long-term goals. ✅ Balanced Dynamics  – If both partners respect and support each other’s autonomy, the age difference may foster a relationship where different strengths complement each other. Cons of Age-Gap Relationships ⚠️ Power Imbalance  – A significant age gap can create power dynamics where the older partner has more life experience, financial control, or decision-making authority, which may limit the younger partner’s autonomy. ⚠️ Different Life Stages  – The younger partner might still be exploring career paths, personal growth, or social experiences, while the older partner may be in a more settled phase, leading to mismatched priorities. ⚠️ Social & Family Judgment  – Friends and family may not be supportive of the relationship, which can create stress or isolation. ⚠️ Energy & Interests  – Differences in energy levels, hobbies, or social circles could lead to compatibility issues over time. ⚠️ Long-Term Challenges  – In later years, health differences may become a concern, especially if one partner retires or faces age-related issues while the other is still active. To sum up: A 10-year age gap can work well if both partners have mutual respect, shared values, and emotional maturity. However, power dynamics, life stage differences, and external pressures should be carefully navigated to ensure a healthy and equitable relationship. We're coming back to good, effective, reciprocal communication! What research is there on larger age gap relationships? Research on relationships with significant age differences reveals nuanced insights into their dynamics and long-term satisfaction: Marital Satisfaction and Age Gaps A study analysing 13 years of data from Australian households found that couples with larger age gaps often experience declines in marital satisfaction over time. Initially, men reported higher satisfaction when married to younger wives, but this contentment diminished after six to ten years. Couples with minimal age differences tended to navigate life decisions more harmoniously, enhancing compatibility. Resilience to Economic Challenges The same research indicated that couples with substantial age differences were less resilient to economic hardships. Financial downturns had a more pronounced negative impact on their marital satisfaction compared to couples of similar ages. This heightened vulnerability may stem from differing life priorities and financial strategies. Preferences for Younger Partners Recent studies challenge traditional assumptions about age preferences in relationships. Both men and women have shown a tendency to prefer younger partners, suggesting evolving dynamics in partner selection. However, societal norms and cultural factors continue to influence these preferences, often resulting in age gaps where men are older. Strategies for Success in Age-Gap Relationships Despite potential challenges, age-gap relationships can thrive with intentional effort: Shared Interests:  Cultivating common hobbies and activities can bridge generational divides. Open Communication:  Discussing values, expectations, and concerns openly fosters mutual understanding. Addressing Power Dynamics:  Being mindful of potential imbalances ensures both partners feel valued and respected. United Front Against Judgment:  Setting boundaries with unsupportive individuals and presenting a cohesive partnership can mitigate external pressures. In summary, while larger age gaps in relationships can present unique challenges, especially concerning long-term satisfaction and resilience to external stresses, these relationships can very much succeed with conscious effort, adaptability, and strong communication.

So many people bring sleep struggles into the therapeutic space. When sleep is lacking, many of us are desperate for help. Today there's a booming industry waiting to tell us all the ways not sleeping can ruin our health -- and to sell us expensive, fancy gadgets to help us finally doze off. Shedding light, however, on this depressing doomsday messaging, Dr. Jen Gunter explains why we shouldn't stress over sleep - and what to do instead. I always recommend no tossing and turning, grab a novel and have a read. Keep the light low and let your body relax. You are resting and that is good start. If you would like more on how your body works, tune in to her podcast, Body Stuff with Dr. Jen Gunter, from the TED Audio Collective.

The Dalai Lama said, ‘Sleep is the best meditation’ and I think most of us would agree it is one of our basic human needs. There is yet to be a substitute for sleep. There is no pill we can take or ways we can cheat our bodies into thinking we have caught up on lost sleep. We feel better after a good night's rest, we look more ‘alive’ and have more energy. Crucially, our bodies have had a chance to repair at a cellular level. Sleep has a huge part to play in the recovery from injury and the management of pain. Most of us have noticed that when we have had a few poor nights then our pain sensitivity and/or our ability to cope with our pain alters – stubbing your toe when you are tired seems to hurt so much more! A few tips to help with sleep: Light, noise and temperature are important as these have an effect on the chemical and hormonal levels in our bodies, such as, darkness stimulating melatonin which induces sleepiness. Avoid nicotine, alcohol and caffeine before bed as these stimulate our central nervous system, increasing our heart rate and adrenaline levels. Avoid checking social media or work emails before preparing to sleep. These will stimulate the mind, adrenaline and heart rate. Try to get into a routine of relaxation before trying to sleep – maybe a warm bath, meditation or reading a book. Try to sleep when you are tired - if you are rubbing your eyes and yawning this will be a good time to go to sleep. You will be tapping into your natural circadian rhythm. Stop checking your clock. f you wake up, try to avoid checking the time and worrying that you have to get up in two hours. Just roll over and trust your alarm will wake you for work. If you are tossing and turning, then get up. Have a glass of water, listen to some calming music or read. When you notice you are sleepy again, go back to bed. Keep the lights dim. Avoid high suspense/action tv before bed. Think about what this will do to your adrenaline levels. There are lots of different things you can try to help. Make a list of what works for you. Remember also, not everyone needs 8 hours of sleep every night to function well. Explore your own sleep requirement. There are lots of interesting articles about sleep online - these may be helpful: Home - The Sleep Council Sleep problems - Every Mind Matters - NHS (www.nhs.uk) Sleep Foundation | Better Sleep for a Better You

Jade Beason gives us the harsh truth: New Years resolutions are rarely successful. Jade offers a better way to set goals for the year, and ways which have worked for her. In this video she'll be sharing how she changed her life in 2022, and the methods she will use to supercharge these changes in 2023. So if you want to hear some New Years resolution ideas, 2023 goal planning, 2023 business planning, plan with Jade 2023, New Year resolution 2023, how to set goals for 2023 and goal setting 2023, this video may just be the one to get you on your way. TIME STAMPS 00:00 Intro 00:50 My story 03:00 Establish a vision 05:05 Make habits, not resolutions 10:50 Broaden your horizons 12:45 Daily reflection 15:50 Morning routines BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - https://amzn.to/3p7Wvs1 Atomic Habits - https://amzn.to/3UMJoez The Slight Edge - https://amzn.to/3iHCqtR 12 Week Work Year - https://amzn.to/3W9IrOm You can find Jade on YouTube and Instagram. Happy intention setting!

A new one for me; an intentions for 2023 list. Yes, good intentions. Not so much goals but a range of things that I would like to do, activities that would be good for me and those I would like to keep going. I might not achieve all of these; some of them are a bit vague but if I keep it out, I can look at it regularly and it might just give me a kick to have a go at something or find space for something. According to Sarah Dawn Tunis, w hether you’re working the law of attraction, seeking to achieve your dreams and goals, or just aiming to get through the day, if you know what intentions are and how to set them then this is the most powerful tool you have. Intentions are generally simple acts that can have a powerful effect on your life. They can be seen as the starting point of co-creating your life and one of the most important techniques for using the law of attraction. Learning how to make intentions and use their power can be an effective step in building the life you want and achieving your goals . What is an intention? An intention is very simple. It is a purpose, desire, goal, aim or plan. See the photo above. In more detail, it is the statement of that purpose, desire, goal or aim. It is acknowledging what you want… in a more formal manner than just blurting it out to yourself or in casual conversation. Yes, it can be spoken and it can definitely be written. It is essentially the announcement of a plan. Such a simple idea that in general use of the English language, the word isn't often used and doesn’t have much influence. It is often used as a poor reason when things don’t work out as expected. “ Well, that was not my intention. ” Or how about this one? “ The road to Hell is paved with good intentions .” Giving the impression that intentions are all well and good but really don’t matter much in the long run. I'm no expert on laws of attraction as they don't really feature in therapy, yet it appears when it comes to the law of attraction, the use of intention is extremely important and powerful . In fact, it is one of the most important steps for using the law of attraction and for manifesting what you desire. It is the beginning. This simple activity carries the power to propel you toward what you desire . It is how you will begin to create the life you want - be it a life full of love, health and happiness or you wish for a new car, a different job or to visit another country. Whatever it is you desire, intention is how to bring it into your existence . Without intention, it will be hard to move forward. Intentions are the first step in identifying your desires, changing your reality and co-creating your life. It includes focussing on the possibilities, imagining what it will be like, and then declaring that this is what you intend to have, accomplish or experience. Intentions are your declaration . A way to shout out to the universe what it is you want and what you want to aim for. An intention is: Identifying what you want Saying and writing what you wish out loud and with conviction Make them real by validating them A declaration of your resolve to make things happen A commitment to take action And that is the next step. How do you get there? What's your plan of action? Can you use SMART goals? Good luck!

How many times do you hear someone say "Oh, they have abandonment issues!"? A throw away comment that is huge! A primal and universal feeling that is thought to originate as the baby leaves the safety of the womb and can be activated should the child fear being left alone. Dr. Gabor Mate talks about how big is the impact of our emotions to our physical body; and how this impacts everyone since early ages. He talks a lot about trauma and how it really affects us if we don't make it conscious. If we can recognise how important our inner state is, becoming conscious of our early traumas then we can be freed from them.

What Is Compassionate Inquiry? I am a believer in compassionate ways of working therapeutically. Dr. Gabor Maté developed the Compassionate Inquiry psychotherapy approach, which seeks to reveal what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world. Using the Compassionate Inquiry model, both the individual and therapist unveil the level of consciousness, mental climate, hidden assumptions, implicit memories and body states that form the real message that words both express and conceal. Through using the Compassionate Inquiry approach, client's can recognise the unconscious processes that run their lives and explore how to liberate themselves from them. “The purpose of the Compassionate Inquiry system is to drill down to the core stories people tell themselves – to get them to see what story they are telling themselves unconsciously; what those beliefs are, where they came from; and guide them to the possibility of letting go of those stories, or letting go of the hold those stories have on them. That’s what the Compassionate Inquiry system is.” ~ Dr. Gabor Maté

All relationships will have some conflict - it's healthy to express our difference with the caveat, it's how you do it! No relationship is ever stable; each goes through a regular cycle of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair’. A healthy relationship is not one in which ruptures never occur, but one where both parties are willing and able to repair them. Many tensions within relationships can usefully be looked at through the prism of a concept much used within psychotherapy: the idea of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair.’ For psychotherapists, every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration or as the term has it, of ‘rupture’, when we suffer a loss of trust in another person as someone in whom we can safely deposit our love, and whom we believe can be kind and understanding of our needs. The ruptures are often quite small, and to outside observers perhaps imperceptible: one person fails to respond warmly to another’s greeting; someone tries to explain an idea to their partner who shrugs and says off-handedly that they have no idea what they’re on about; in front of friends, a lover shares an anecdote which casts the partner in a less than flattering light. Or the rupture can be more serious: someone calls someone a stupid fool and breaks a door. A birthday is forgotten. An affair begins… So we venture into expressing our needs, being clear with boundaries and empathising with the other. We don't have to agree but we can hear, validate and empathise.

We all have our own triggers for conflict. Most couples fight on occasion and are often not terribly kind to each other when they do. John Gottman suggests that in successful relationships it is not that we fight that is the problem, it’s the way that fights are handled. Conflict, however, doesn’t just come out of the blue. It can be seen as part of a repeating cycle of rupture and repair. The couples that get it right learn from this cycle and use it to enhance intimacy; the couples that don’t learn are likely to repeat it in perpetual cycles of misery and frustration. The diagram below shows the process from harmony to disharmony via relationship ruptures and the pathway from dissatisfaction back to satisfaction via the steps of repair. When we understand this process, this could help us find a way to make our relationship more harmonious and our fights less destructive. We would then spend less time in a state of disharmony and learn how to recover from conflict more quickly when it does occur. If we fail to understand it and change it, then we could end up in the unhappy state that some couples arrive at where they spend very little time in a state of satisfaction and find it easy to be dislodged back into disharmony, from which they then find it very hard to escape. Figure 1: The cycle of rupture and repair in close relationships (Grimmer, 2019) There isn't space here to go into a lot of explanation. If you wish to know more I would suggest finding a qualified counsellor (such as BACP, UKCP, Relate, Corst) to work with you. A couples / relationship counsellor can help with communication between couples.