Identify your fears – and your goals. Why? Knowing what we want, as well as what we don’t want, allows us to stay focused to pursue our goals. Take baby steps to build confidence. Create a self-fulfilling prophecy to encourage your success. Remember to consider the source of any discouragement from others. Maintain momentum by repeating Steps 1-5 over time. So acknowledge your fears and goals, take another baby step in the direction of your goal, in order to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of success. So, moving beyond our fears can actually help us reach our goals.

Sadly, men are still under pressure in life, and in the bedroom, to be untiring, masterful and dominant. It’s generally assumed men are always ready for sex and women’s interest is much less, and subjective. It’s time we stop this oversimplification of men and start debunking some of our strongest assumptions about men. Esther Perel shares with us her expertise in overcoming male performance anxiety.

1. Commit yourself to tidying up The KonMari method does require time and effort. But once you have made up your mind, all you need to do is apply the right method. 2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle You would rather start tidying right away? That is precisely why so many people suffer rebound after tidying up. 3. Finish discarding first One characteristic of people who never seem to finish tidying up is that they attempt to store everything without getting rid of anything. When things are put away, a home will look neat, but if the storage units are filled with unnecessary items, it will be impossible to keep them organised, and this will inevitably lead to a relapse. 4. Tidy by category, not location For example, when tidying clothes, gather every item of clothing from the entire house in one spot. This allows you to see exactly how much you have. It’s very important to get an accurate grasp of the sheer volume for each category. 5. Follow the right order It is: clothes, books, papers, komono (miscellany) and finally, sentimental items. Have you ever run across old photos while tidying and found that hours have passed while you were looking at them? This is a very common blunder, and clearly illustrates the point of tidying in the proper order, which is designed to help you hone your ability to distinguish what sparks joy. Clothes are ideal for practising this skill, while photos and other sentimental items are the epitome of what you should not touch until you have perfected it. 6. Ask yourself if it sparks joy Remember: you are not choosing what to discard but rather what to keep. Keep only those things that bring you joy. Extracted from Spark Joy: An Illustrated Guide to the Japanese Art of Tidying (Vermilion, £12.99) by Marie Kondo

One of our most basic psychological needs is to create a home, that is a space that is decorated in such a way as to reflect our values back to us. The summer holidays is often a time when many of us will spend time and money on our homes. We can get so excited, or distressed, by matters of home decoration - and why, after trips away, we often long to get back to our own place. The School of Life gives us a little more to think about!

I have recently bought this book and I like it! Sometimes I struggle with books that are too wordy or just not thorough enough so this is a refreshing read and yes, I have recommended it to clients. Most parents want their child to be happy and most parents want to avoid messing things up. So how do you achieve that? In this absorbing, clever and funny book, popular psychotherapist Philippa Perry shares what really matters and what behaviour it is important to avoid - the vital dos and don'ts of parenting. Instead of mapping out the 'perfect' plan, Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships. This refreshing, judgement-free guide will help you to: - Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting - Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them - Break negative cycles and patterns - Handle your own and your child's feelings - Understand what different behaviours communicate Full of sage and sane advice, this is a book that every parent will learn from and every child will wish their parents had read.

Did you spot the error? Being perfect is impossible so why put yourself through the stress to achieve what you think it is? Being 'good enough' is fine! Children survive very well with 'good enough' parents. So, if you are stuck in the perfectionist cycle, try changing your thinking... 1. Get real. Accept that you are a fallible human being, who cannot ever lead an mistake-free existence. 2. Instead of demanding you be perfect, demand that you be imperfect. It makes more sense for you to think “Being human, I will make mistakes” rather than, “I don't care that I'm human, I must not make mistakes.” 3. Aim to do well but when you don’t, unconditionally accept yourself. When you make mistakes, think “I'm sorry I slipped up, but I'm human so what can I do to learn from this mistake without beating myself up?” 4. The bottom line is 'be perfect at being imperfect.' When you do, happiness is more likely. 5. You will still aim to do well, for giving up perfection does not cause you to give up your desire to do well. 6. You will find yourself more relaxed, peaceful and able to enjoy the ride. In other words, free from anxiety, you'll be on the royal road to relaxation and happiness. 7. You will feel pride in your successes and accomplishments without shame and embarrassment about your less accomplished moments. Live It . Here are five practices that can help you loosen the grip perfectionism has on you. Remember, breaking any habit and building a new one takes time and effort. 1. Identify three situations in which you fall into the trap of thinking you have to be perfect. For each, write what anti-perfection message you will give to yourself so as to confront the situation without perfectionism. 2. Use your mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve. When you make a mistake, say to yourself “I’m sorry I made a mistake, but I'm human. What can I do so I am less likely to make that mistake again?” 3. When you do find yourself making a mistake, remind yourself to nevertheless unconditionally accept yourself. Remember that your mistakes are merely your oranges, not the whole fruit salad! 4. Purposely make one mistake a day - wear socks that don’t match, make a spelling or mathematical error, or get a well known politician's name wrong. Observe that no cataclysmic consequences befall you. Just do not make mistakes that put you in danger, break the law, or violate your own ethical or moral standards! 5. Notice when others make mistakes. Note the “normalcy” of this and remind yourself that you are not a special case such that fallibility is forbidden to you. Going Forward You can have the best of both worlds - you can strive to do well, working to create mini-masterpieces across the canvas of your life; in the other, you can be realistic, refusing to expect yourself to be perfect and forgiving yourself when you make mistakes. In combining the two, you merge passion with peace of mind, a formula for happiness if there ever was one. Make the effort to let go of your perfectionism. You are worth it. PS Did you spot the error? As a recovering perfectionist, I am going to leave it...

What does Maya mean? Healthy love is being responsible for our own happiness. I am not responsible for my partner’s happiness. I am responsible for making sure that I am a whole person, I have a healthy sense of self-identity and that I can meet my own needs and self-worth. For healthy love to exist between partners, they must first understand and accept that happiness in a relationship depends on whether the people in the relationship have developed (independently) into a whole, secure person. Here are seven characteristics of a strong, healthy relationship: 1. A strong sense of self-identity People in a healthy relationship, think independently and are willing and able to articulate their wants and needs to partners. They are able to speak and act from an honest place within themselves. Partners can love themselves unconditionally, accepting the parts of themselves that are easy to love as well as the parts that are not as easy to love. Healthy partners love their own lives while still being open to growth with a partner. 2. The ability to compromise Partners who are open to the idea of seeking mutually gratifying solutions to conflicts are more likely to have a strong, healthy relationship. Healthy partners can acknowledge the validity of their partner’s wants and needs and, even when they do not agree, still respect areas of difference. A cornerstone of compromise is finding solutions that are agreeable to both partners and healthy relationships are marked by an ability to consider situations from a partner’s side of things. 3. Appropriate trust This characteristic is one that can be determined at the beginning of a relationship. When both partners are available to begin a relationship, not still attached or otherwise holding on to a previous relationship, trust can be fostered. When trust has the opportunity to grow, partners feel more safe and may be better able to share their innermost thoughts and feelings with each other. They believe in their partner’s ability to listen and help, and there may be a mutual sense of faith that neither will be blindsided by surprises they don’t expect. Trust cultivates a stable relationship with predictability, reliability, and accountability. 4. Communication Being able to express your own feelings or opinions, knowing it’s fine to disagree and saying what you mean and meaning what you say are all aspects of effective communication. When we are able to communicate effectively with our partners, show compassion and concern for each other and talk about problems and listen well, we effectively create a road map for a partner to be able to understand and meet our needs. Without this map, we might endlessly wander trying to find out partners, coming close to meeting their needs but never quite succeeding. 5. Loving detachment Seeing a partner as a capable person is a critical component of healthy relationships. Couples can often confuse the concepts of whether their partner is good at something and whether they are simply capable of doing something. Believing these are the same thing can lead to conflict in a relationship. In reality, most people are capable of doing most things. However, sometimes partners may not be “good” at the things we want them to be good at. Loving detachment means we believe our partners have the ability to take care of themselves and their lives on their own. Allowing and encouraging our partners to have separate interests and maintain meaningful relationships with other people, and respecting their ability to do so, is an important part of loving detachment. 6. An understanding of the reality of love Love is created, and it requires work. “Love at first sight” is romantic, and we may want to believe in it, but in reality, that’s just not the case. Love is not something that is acquired one day by chance. It must be developed with trust, shaped with effort and fostered with understanding and patience over time. 7. An awareness of our attraction to familiarity Have you ever heard the saying “We marry our parents”? We may not realise it, but many people partner (and eventually marry) someone who reminds them, in some way, of one or both of their parents. This is not necessarily a conscious decision. It’s simply that we tend to be attracted to and connect with people who are comfortable and familiar. So, whether our experiences with our parents are positive or negative or a little of both, we often are drawn to similarities in the partners we choose. If we are aware of this, and in tune with how our relationship with our parents has affected us, we are often better able to understand the type of person we might be attracted to. We might be fulfilling a desire to live out what we have learned as children or to fix what was broken in our childhood through our current relationships. Though we might logically know dysfunctional relationships with our parents cannot be fixed by our current relationships, we may still struggle with this emotionally. Identifying and working on ourselves to resolve any issues remaining from childhood will not guarantee a healthy relationship, but doing so may put us on the road to a better one. Having a healthy relationship with our partners comes down to one thing - having a healthy relationship with ourselves. When discussing healthy love with the people I work with, I make it clear that I believe a healthy relationship with the self is necessary to have a healthy relationship with others. This healthy relationship with the self includes developing and maintaining a solid self-identity, recognising our needs and being able to meet them on our own and allowing our partners to live their own lives while sharing their lives with us.

What makes a healthy relationship and what is abusive behaviour in relationships comes up frequently in the counselling room. In a talk about understanding and practicing the art of healthy relationships, Katie Hood reveals the five signs you might be in an unhealthy relationship -- with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member -- and shares the things you can do every day to love with respect, kindness and joy. "While love is an instinct and an emotion, the ability to love better is a skill we can all build and improve on over time," she says.

Maya Angelou is my 'power person.' When I need some encouragement or feeling anxious - yes, therapists can feel anxiety too - I call upon my inner Maya to support me. "What would Maya do?" I ask myself and I know she wouldn't take any rubbish! So I take a deep breathe, imagine Maya alongside me and I get on with it. She was a sassy woman with style, humour and talent. And she was kind. Love her!

I find this mesmerising! The swaying of the trees accompanied by the bird song. What an amazing world we live in - awe and wonder! Connect with the present, breathe slowly ensuring your out breath is longer than your in breath and let your body soften - relax your shoulders, your jaw, your tongue and your hands...

If you can catch a possible negative thought - especially before it escalates; assess, challenge and reframe then you will be creating positive neural pathways. Don't forget 6 positives for every negative. If that is difficult, start with 3. Don't forget it takes 60 times before it becomes a habit so keep at it! You don't have time for this!

I love the School of Life clips. Yes, this may have been better to post in February but kissing is important all year round! Regularly exchanging a kiss with your partner may seem a trivial matter, but in truth, it creates a vital point of connection which might help to save a relationship over the long term. Kissing, perhaps, should be taken seriously! Today, the most widely accepted theory of kissing is that humans do it because it helps us choose a quality partner. When our faces are close together, our pheromones mix — exchanging biological information about whether or not two people will make strong offspring. Women, for example, subconsciously prefer the scent of men whose genes for certain immune system proteins are different from their own. This kind of match could yield offspring with stronger immune systems, and better chances for survival. Still, most of us are satisfied with the explanation that humans kiss because it feels good. Our lips and tongues are packed with nerve endings, which help intensify all those dizzying sensations of being in love when we press our mouths to someone else's. Experiencing such feelings doesn't usually make us think too hard about why we kiss — instead, it drives us to find ways to do it more often.