None of us are going to get out of here alive. If we are lucky, we will live long and healthy lives. What can help us to achieve this? What we do know is having a purpose in life can help people maintain physical function and independence as they age. According to researchers from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, older adults who reported having goals for the future and a sense of meaning had better grip strength and walking speed than those who didn't. The reason why having a sense of purpose helps healthy aging isn't fully understood yet but it may be that those who have it take better care of their health, have better impulse control and engage in healthier activities than those who don't.

Going back into studying again - as a supervisor , this time - those imposter feelings were once more triggered. Looking around at my highly qualified and experienced colleagues, the self doubt began to appear. Despite recent comments that says, “ stop telling women they have imposter syndrome ” Sheaba Chacko has found a Hidden Truth about imposter syndrome’s roots as she works through her own baggage and helps her clients resolve theirs. Imposter syndrome is the by-product of having to project “ The Representative Self ” what we believe is approved of by society at the expense of rejecting “ The True Self. ” So instead of leaving a legacy, this duplicitous living lends to a litany of physical and mental health struggles. Sheaba's own personal experience with imposter syndrome has a universal message for all of us who live on the margins of mainstream life and has spent their lives trying to be what their culture defines as “normal”. Sheaba is a courageous speaker who knows how to inspire others with her own vulnerability. Known for making her own life choices, Sheaba rejected the typical South Indian career pathways of Engineering and Medicine to become a licensed professional counsellor. Despite the stigma associated with mental health, especially in communities of colour, she went on to open her private practice, Fearless Permission! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organised by a local community.

I find this idea extremely interesting.  In a culture where the medical model is revered - the belief we need fixing because we are broken is a familiar goal.  Here, author and teacher Jeff Foster challenges the core myth of healing - that you should be healed 'by now'. Healing is not a destination, but a present-moment welcoming of all the 'guests' in awareness, a call to LOVE. Sadness, anger, fear, doubt, do not want to be healed, but held. What would happen if we learn to embrace and sit with our feelings? Filmed live at a meeting on 26th April 2015 in the Netherlands: http://www.lifewithoutacentre.com In a world that often rushes us from one emotion to the next, there is immense power in pausing to sit with our feelings. The idea that we need to fix ourselves constantly overlooks the beauty of simply being with our emotions until we are ready to accept them. It’s time to slow down, breathe, and explore the art of embracing our feelings fully. Understanding the Importance of Sitting with Our Feelings Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They provide us with valuable insights into our inner world, guiding us through life's highs and lows. However, society's emphasis on instant solutions and quick fixes can hinder our ability to truly understand and process our emotions. By allowing ourselves to sit with our feelings, we create space for introspection and self-discovery. It is in these moments of stillness that we can unravel the complexities of our emotions, gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves in the process. The Healing Power of Acceptance Acceptance is a transformative force that emerges when we embrace our feelings without judgment or resistance. It is not about pushing away uncomfortable emotions but rather acknowledging them as a natural part of the human experience. When we accept our feelings, we grant ourselves the permission to be vulnerable and authentic. Through this vulnerability, we cultivate compassion towards ourselves and others, fostering deeper connections and emotional resilience. The Process of Sitting with Our Feelings Sitting with our feelings is an active process that requires patience and self-compassion. It involves acknowledging our emotions without trying to change or suppress them. Instead, we observe our feelings with curiosity and kindness, allowing them to surface and dissipate organically. During this process, it is essential to engage in self-care activities that nurture our emotional well-being. Whether it's journaling, meditating, or seeking support from loved ones, finding healthy outlets to express our feelings can facilitate the healing journey. Embracing Vulnerability and Growth Through the practice of sitting with our feelings, we embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Vulnerability opens the door to personal growth and self-empowerment, enabling us to confront our fears and insecurities with courage and grace. As we develop our sense of emotional resilience through sitting with our feelings, we create a greater capacity to navigate life's challenges with resilience and authenticity. Embracing our emotions becomes a transformative process that empowers us to lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. In a culture that often prioritises productivity over self-reflection, the medical model over the therapeutic, the art of sitting with our feelings offers a powerful antidote to the noise and distractions of daily life. By embracing our emotions and accepting them with grace, we enter a world of self-discovery and growth that enriches our lives in profound ways. So, the next time you find yourself grappling with difficult emotions, remember that you don't need fixing – try sitting with your feelings until you are ready to accept them. Let this practice be your guide to greater emotional awareness, resilience and self-love.

Most of us are familiar with the idea of triggers. Even though it may be an overused term, it comes from a very important concept in psychology. One moment we are calm, the next we are thrown into despair and fear. Though it is important to be scared or angry when situations actually demand it, it can be hugely counterproductive to be taken over by powerful emotions that aren’t needed by what lies before us and that fail to help us productively in any way. The School of Life offer one perspective that may help. For me, avoiding triggers does not work. Learning to manage triggers can be helpful: 1. Recognise that our brain functions on an unconscious level relatively easily because it requires less work and brain capacity. However, when we seek to understand and name what triggers and activates us, we act with conscious awareness so we mindfully process and strategise to ensure our behaviours align with our values. Periodically check in with yourself to assess whether you’re focused, tuned in and being in the present. You can do this by training your mind through mindfulness exercises and meditative practices. 2. Understand your projections (i.e. the thoughts, feelings or behaviours we project onto another person), negative core beliefs, narratives, impulses and values. When these are challenged you are more likely to be triggered. Be curious and study yourself. Therapy is a great way to do this. 3. Become familiar with your adaptations to understand your triggers better. Aim to understand what changes in behaviour you made to “survive” what was challenging or difficult for you. Evaluate how this gets enacted or acted out in your general behaviour and in your relationships now. 4. Understand your thoughts and feelings to recognise your triggers. Thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, which can be from moment to moment, depending on factors such as perceptions, experiences and coping skills. Within a given hour, you can flow through a range of emotions, such as joyfulness, sadness and anger . Take pauses, be curious, and study your thoughts and feelings. Notice if you have reactions or judgments about your thoughts and feelings. 5. Don’t believe everything that’s thought or felt. As trigger reactions occur in the limbic or emotional centre of the brain, they can be irrational. They often elicit the part of us that cannot hear or listen to reason. Question the quality of your thoughts and feelings. How do they show up? Why do they show up that way? What does it mean to you? Thoughts and feelings can be reframed and shifted. 6. Realise that not all thoughts and feelings, whether emotional, somatic or physiological, need to be reacted to. We give too much credence to our thoughts and feelings and generally believe we must always react to them. They’re helpful in letting you know what’s meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to react to them instantaneously. Keep in mind that your behaviours are a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Take the time to gently and compassionately remind yourself that you are the CEO of your life and get to make decisions on your own behalf. 7. Thank your mind for its generosity and graciousness in making you aware of your unhealed parts or unresolved issues through your triggers. It’s your brain and body’s way of protecting you from discomfort and “danger.” When you are triggered, it’s your need to self-reflect and gain insight to your wounded parts or the unresolved issues that you still need to attend to. You can create new neural networks in your brain and rewire your nervous system to perceive and react to things differently going forward. You can reframe things and notice your resilience , how much you’ve grown, and your ability to change. 8. Recognise that your development will be an ongoing commitment and practice with slips and triggers along the way. Give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that you’re attempting to change years of conditioned behaviours and develop a compassionate relationship with yourself and others as you and they work toward healing and growth. You and others will be more open to change and recalibrating when it’s necessary when feeling free of judgment, nurtured and supported. When you learn to gain deeper awareness around your triggers and can self-soothe and act mindfully, then you can shift from self-blame and projection onto others to accountability, sharing and connection. Maybe triggers are little gifts that enhance your ability to notice unhealed or unresolved parts of yourself and point directly to where you have personal work to do to improve yourself and your relationships with others. These moments can be appreciated and celebrated on your journey toward growth and enhancement. More The School of Life videos can be enjoyed with a subscription: https://t.ly/b1AiN Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: https://t.ly/XZ7BB FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects here: https://bit.ly/3gKKwRU

Quote on background of lake at dusk. In psychotherapy, the power dynamics at play are often subtle yet impactful. These dynamics shape the relationship between therapists and clients. It's essential to understand how power, privilege and oppression influence therapy to create a fair and effective environment for healing. In this post, we will explore tangible ways to recognise and address these dynamics. Understanding Power and Privilege Power and privilege are not just theoretical ideas; they directly impact people's lives in therapy. Each person in the therapeutic relationship brings their unique backgrounds, values and experiences. Power can emerge from various factors, such as race, gender, socioeconomic status and education level. For example, research shows that over 60% of therapists (in the U.S. and likely to be similar here) are white, which may leave clients from diverse backgrounds feeling less understood or marginalised. A highly qualified, academic therapist may unintentionally dominate the work, leaving clients feeling unheard. For instance, a counsellor who is white and middle-class might overlook the challenges faced by a client of colour from a lower socioeconomic background. Recognisng these differences are crucial for fostering a supportive therapeutic environment. This is why it is essential therapists have explored their own biases and prejudices in their personal therapy, increasing their own self awareness. The Role of Intersectionality It's important to understand intersectionality, as it illustrates how multiple identities shape experiences of privilege and oppression. A therapist who holds societal privileges may not fully grasp the challenges faced by clients with intersecting marginalised identities. For example, consider a well-educated, cisgender, heterosexual male therapist. His worldview may significantly differ from that of a queer, transgender woman of colour, who experiences biases on multiple fronts. By addressing this complexity, therapists can engage in deeper discussions that validate the unique realities of their clients, thereby enriching the therapeutic process. Oppression and Its Impact on Therapy Oppression appears in various forms within therapy. It can affect clients who may feel belittled or dismissed, as well as therapists who face societal pressure and biases. Consider the challenges a therapist from a minority background might experience: they could encounter imposter syndrome or difficulty establishing credibility. When therapists recognise these layers of oppression, they can respond with greater empathy and understanding. In turn, clients who feel seen and respected are more likely to engage more honestly in their therapeutic journey. Strategies for Awareness and Change To effectively tackle power dynamics, therapists can commit to continuous self-reflection and education. Here are some practical strategies that can foster a more equitable therapeutic setting: Active Listening : Therapists focus on actively listening to validate the feelings and experiences of clients, particularly those from marginalised backgrounds. This could take the form of paraphrasing what clients say to demonstrate understanding, validating feelings and empathising. Cultural Competence Training : Ongoing education in cultural humility empowers therapists to connect with clients on a deeper level. Research indicates that training can lead to a 45% increase in therapist-client rapport. Open Conversations : Creating an environment for open discussions about power and privilege can help both parties explore sensitive topics safely. A study found that nearly 70% of clients appreciate when therapists acknowledge these dynamics. By integrating these strategies, therapy can become a richer and more inclusive experience for everyone involved. Embracing Transformation Acknowledging power dynamics in psychotherapy goes beyond theoretical discussions; it is vital for fostering genuine healing. Ideally both therapists and clients play active roles in understanding and addressing power, privilege and oppression in their interactions. By approaching these conversations openly, the therapeutic relationship can evolve into a transformative experience. In doing this, psychotherapy can better cater to the diverse needs of individuals seeking support and fostering more equitable outcomes for all.

Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory offers a transformative approach to personal growth and relationships by encouraging us to release the need to control others' actions and focus instead on our own responses. This mindset fosters emotional freedom and healthier interactions. Applying the "Let Them" Theory in Relationships: Romantic Partnerships: Scenario:  Your partner prefers spending weekends with friends rather than engaging in shared activities. Application:  Instead of feeling neglected or attempting to alter their behaviour, embrace the "Let Them" mindset. Use this time to pursue your own interests or connect with others. This approach reduces tension and allows both partners to maintain individuality within the relationship. Friendships: Scenario:  A close friend frequently cancels plans at the last minute. Application:  Rather than harbouring resentment or confronting them aggressively, adopt the "Let Them" perspective. Accept their behaviour as a reflection of their current circumstances. This acceptance can lead to a more relaxed dynamic, where you choose to invest energy in friends who are more reliable, without bitterness. Family Dynamics: Scenario:  A family member offers unsolicited advice about your career choices. Application:  Instead of engaging in arguments or feeling compelled to defend your decisions, "Let Them" express their opinions. Recognise that their perspectives are shaped by their experiences. By not internalising their judgments, you maintain peace of mind and uphold your autonomy. The Benefits for Personal Growth: Enhanced Emotional Well-being:  By relinquishing control over others, you reduce stress and anxiety associated with managing external behaviours. Strengthened Self-Identity:  Focusing on your own actions and reactions fosters a deeper understanding of yourself and your values. Improved Relationships:  Allowing others to be themselves without interference cultivates mutual respect and authenticity in interactions. It's important to note that the "Let Them" theory is not about passive acceptance in situations involving harm, discrimination or personal boundaries. In such cases, assertive communication and action are necessary. The theory emphasises releasing the need to control benign behaviours of others that do not directly impact your well-being. Try integrating the "Let Them" philosophy into your daily life, you can experience a profound shift in how you relate to others and nurture your personal development. Mel Robbin's has a book which explains more and there is her podcast, TED Talks and other video appearances.

Storytelling is a powerful tool for healing because it allows people to reclaim their narratives, process emotions, and make meaning out of difficult experiences . When we tell our stories—whether through writing, speaking, art, or movement—we engage with our past in a way that can transform pain into growth . How Storytelling and Writing Supports Healing 🌀 Reframing the Narrative Shifting from “I am broken” to “I have survived and grown” Moving from a victim mindset to an empowered perspective Recognising patterns and making conscious choices moving forward 💬 Externalising Pain Putting emotions into words helps regulate them (like in therapy) Distancing from traumatic events without suppressing them Turning shame into self-compassion through self-expression 🎭 Accessing the Subconscious Writing, art and movement can reveal unconscious beliefs Metaphor and symbolism help us explore what feels unspeakable Dreamwork, myths and archetypes can connect personal pain to universal themes 🤝 Finding Community & Connection Sharing stories reduces isolation and shame Seeing others with similar experiences fosters validation and support Collective storytelling (in groups, memoirs, social movements) creates change Methods of Storytelling for Healing ✍️ Journaling & Expressive Writing Freewriting about emotions (stream of consciousness) Writing letters to past/future selves or to people who hurt you (particularly if unsent) "Rewriting" a traumatic experience with a new, empowered perspective 🎭 Creative Arts Therapy Creating visual art, music or dance to express feelings beyond words Using drama or roleplay to step into different parts of a story Exploring myths, fairy tales, or personal symbols as metaphors for healing 📖 Memoir & Personal Narrative Writing Writing a life story with themes of resilience and transformation Exploring different perspectives of the same event to gain insight Writing as if a wiser, compassionate self were narrating your journey 🌙 Dreamwork & Mythology Looking at personal dreams for hidden wisdom Finding personal meaning in ancient myths, folktales, and archetypes Using storytelling to connect personal struggles to larger human experiences Let’s do a storytelling exercise designed to help you reframe a difficult experience  with more self-compassion, strength, and meaning . Exercise: The Hero’s Journey Rewrite This exercise is inspired by the classic Hero’s Journey  framework, which shows how struggles can lead to transformation. You’ll be writing a short story where you are the protagonist  moving through a challenge and coming out stronger. Step 1: Choose Your Story Think of a personal experience that was painful, confusing or difficult. It can be: A time you felt lost, rejected or misunderstood A relationship struggle or heartbreak A moment of failure or self-doubt A trauma or hardship that shaped you 💡 If it's too painful to write as yourself, you can write as a fictional character or use metaphor (e.g., a traveller lost in the woods, a phoenix rising from ashes). Step 2: Write Your Hero’s Journey Here’s a simple structure to follow: 1️⃣ The Ordinary World:  Who were you before the challenge? Describe your world before things changed.2️⃣ The Call to Adventure:  What event shook things up? What struggle began?3️⃣ The Dark Night:  What was the hardest part? What emotions did you face?4️⃣ The Turning Point:  What helped you shift? (Insight, support, realisation, inner strength?)5️⃣ The Return & Growth:  How are you different now? What wisdom or strength did you gain? Step 3: Reflect & Reframe After writing, ask yourself: What parts of my story show resilience, even if I didn’t see it before? How can I honour my growth instead of just the pain? If I met the past version of myself in this story, what would I say to them?

Relationships always need good communication skills but should we be aware of other dynamics within a larger age-gap relationship such as where one person is 10 years older than the other? It is probably no surprise it appears it can work well or present particular challenges, depending on individual circumstances, power dynamics and emotional maturity. Here’s a brief list of the potential pros and cons: Pros of Age-Gap Relationships ✅ Emotional Maturity & Stability  – The older partner may bring emotional stability, life experience, and a clearer sense of direction in life, which can be reassuring for the younger partner. ✅ Financial Security  – If the older partner has an established career, financial security can reduce stress in the relationship and allow for more shared experiences. ✅ Different Perspectives & Growth  – The age gap can lead to valuable exchanges of wisdom and fresh perspectives, enriching both partners. ✅ Commitment Readiness  – The older partner might be more ready for commitment, family life, or settling down, aligning with the younger partner’s long-term goals. ✅ Balanced Dynamics  – If both partners respect and support each other’s autonomy, the age difference may foster a relationship where different strengths complement each other. Cons of Age-Gap Relationships ⚠️ Power Imbalance  – A significant age gap can create power dynamics where the older partner has more life experience, financial control, or decision-making authority, which may limit the younger partner’s autonomy. ⚠️ Different Life Stages  – The younger partner might still be exploring career paths, personal growth, or social experiences, while the older partner may be in a more settled phase, leading to mismatched priorities. ⚠️ Social & Family Judgment  – Friends and family may not be supportive of the relationship, which can create stress or isolation. ⚠️ Energy & Interests  – Differences in energy levels, hobbies, or social circles could lead to compatibility issues over time. ⚠️ Long-Term Challenges  – In later years, health differences may become a concern, especially if one partner retires or faces age-related issues while the other is still active. To sum up: A 10-year age gap can work well if both partners have mutual respect, shared values, and emotional maturity. However, power dynamics, life stage differences, and external pressures should be carefully navigated to ensure a healthy and equitable relationship. We're coming back to good, effective, reciprocal communication! What research is there on larger age gap relationships? Research on relationships with significant age differences reveals nuanced insights into their dynamics and long-term satisfaction: Marital Satisfaction and Age Gaps A study analysing 13 years of data from Australian households found that couples with larger age gaps often experience declines in marital satisfaction over time. Initially, men reported higher satisfaction when married to younger wives, but this contentment diminished after six to ten years. Couples with minimal age differences tended to navigate life decisions more harmoniously, enhancing compatibility. Resilience to Economic Challenges The same research indicated that couples with substantial age differences were less resilient to economic hardships. Financial downturns had a more pronounced negative impact on their marital satisfaction compared to couples of similar ages. This heightened vulnerability may stem from differing life priorities and financial strategies. Preferences for Younger Partners Recent studies challenge traditional assumptions about age preferences in relationships. Both men and women have shown a tendency to prefer younger partners, suggesting evolving dynamics in partner selection. However, societal norms and cultural factors continue to influence these preferences, often resulting in age gaps where men are older. Strategies for Success in Age-Gap Relationships Despite potential challenges, age-gap relationships can thrive with intentional effort: Shared Interests:  Cultivating common hobbies and activities can bridge generational divides. Open Communication:  Discussing values, expectations, and concerns openly fosters mutual understanding. Addressing Power Dynamics:  Being mindful of potential imbalances ensures both partners feel valued and respected. United Front Against Judgment:  Setting boundaries with unsupportive individuals and presenting a cohesive partnership can mitigate external pressures. In summary, while larger age gaps in relationships can present unique challenges, especially concerning long-term satisfaction and resilience to external stresses, these relationships can very much succeed with conscious effort, adaptability, and strong communication.

So what does this mean? According to Sigmund Freud, the psyche is divided into three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego. The id is the unconscious part of the psyche that seeks pleasure and immediate gratification. The superego is the part of the psyche that contains our values and morals and the ego is the conscious part of the psyche that mediates between the id and the superego. The phrase “the ego is not master in its own house” refers to the idea that although the ego is responsible for most of our conscious thoughts and actions, it is still driven by unconscious desires from the id. The ego tries to balance these desires with the values and morals of the superego, but it is not always successful. Therefore, it is important to understand our unconscious desires and how they influence our behaviour.

According to Psychology Today , people who struggle to apologise are likely to have a weak sense of self and need to protect their self-image. Instead of apologising, they avoid responsibility by doubling down on their original claims or blaming others . Another article on TED Ideas suggests that such people often have such deep feelings of low self-worth that their fragile egos cannot absorb the shock of admitting they were wrong. So their defense mechanisms kick in — at times, unconsciously — and they may externalise any blame and even dispute basic facts to ward off the threat of having to lower themselves by offering an apology. It’s important to note that even the most conscientious among us occasionally fails to apologise. When this happens, it’s usually for one of two reasons: We don’t care enough about the other person or the relationship to take on the emotional discomfort of owning our mistake and apologising for it; or we believe our apology won’t matter. To conclude, apologizsng can be difficult for many reasons, but it’s important to recognise the value of taking responsibility for our actions and making amends when necessary. Go on, repair that rupture. Your relationship will thank you.

Own Your Mistakes You can't learn anything from a mistake until you admit that you've made it. So, take a deep breath and admit to yours, and then take ownership of it. Saying "sorry" takes courage, but it's far better to come clean than to hide your error or, worse, to blame o thers for it. Ultimately, people will remember your courage and integrity long after they've forgotten the original mistake. Remember, if they hear of it from another source, your reputation may suffer and another opportunity to learn will be lost. Reframe the Error How you view your mistakes determines the way that you react to them, and what you do next. You'll probably view your error in a purely negative light for as long as any initial shock and discomfort about it persists. However, if you can reframe your mistake a s an opportunity to learn, you will motivate you rself to become more knowledgeable and resilient. Stop beating yourself up, pause for a moment to reflect, and start thinking about how you can gain from the situation. Analyse Your Mistake You nnow eed to analyse your mistake honestly and objectively. Ask yourself the following questions: What was I trying to do? What went wrong? When did it go wrong? Why did it go wrong? Start with the error and keep asking "Why?" until you get to the root cause. Put Lessons Learned Into Practice The danger at this stage is that work pressures force you back to your routine tasks and habitual behaviours. The lessons that you identified in Step 3 could languish, unfulfillled, as mere good intentions. In other words, learning lessons is one thing, but putting them into practice is quite another! Chances are, acting on what you've learned will require the discipline and motivation to change your habits . Doing so will help you to avoid self-sabotage in the future, and will allow you to reap the rewards and benefits of implementing better work practices . Here, you need to identify the skills, knowledge, resources, or tools that will keep you from repeating the error. Do so with care, though, because "quick fixes" will likely lead to further mistakes. Any actions that you take to implement your learning need to be enduring, and something that you can commit to. If your mistake was a minor or a personal one, personal goals and action plans wi ll lay the groundwork for implementing the lessons you've learned. They can give you a timescale to work to, and a list of the tasks that you'll need to complete. The specific tools that you use from there on will depend on the particular lessons that you need to put into practice. For example, if you learned that a mistake occurred because of your forgetfulness, aides-mémoire or greater attention to detail could help. If you found that your organisational skills were b elow par, digital planners and spreadsheets would be useful. Or, if you discovered that an error occurred because of a cross-cultural misunderstanding, your communication skills might need a polish . If the mistake was more organizational than personal, you may need to implement your learning in a more far-reaching way. Writing clearer procedures , f or example, could help to ensure that more gets done without mistakes. Review Your Progress You may have to try out several ways to put your learning into practice before you find one that successfully prevents you from repeating past errors. From there, monitor the efficacy of your chosen tactic by reviewing the number and nature of mistakes that do – or don't! – still get made. Asking someone to hold you accountable can help you to stay committed to your new course of action. Key Points To err is human, and we don't have to punish ourselves for the mistakes that we make. They can be great opportunities to learn, and to develop on a personal, as well as an organizational, level. We just need to learn from them, and to put that learning into practice. When you, or one of your team members, make a mistake: Own up to it. Don't play the "blame game." This is detrimental in the long run, and you'll lose the potential for learning. Reframe your mistake as an opportunity to learn and develop. Review what went wrong, to understand and learn from your mistake. Identify the skills, knowledge, resources, or tools that will keep you from repeating the error. Review your progress.

Do You Need to Change Your Perspective on ADHD? It seems most people who don’t have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) don’t really understand it. ADHD is often associated with what is wrong with a person so a diagnosis of ADHD may leave you feeling shame, fear and self-doubt. Changing your perspective on ADHD is the start in removing the stigma surrounding ADHD. I believe in emphasising the positive traits of ADHD.  People with ADHD represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and accomplished people I have met. Nevertheless, words such as organisation, structure, supervision, reminders, and persistence don’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the task people with ADHD have to tackle every day, particularly children and young people. Children need their parents and teachers to understand their difficulties, and help them to overcome those challenges. When explaining ADHD to a child, say, “you have a superfast mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I’m the brake expert.” When ADHD is properly managed, children can achieve: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dreamers, innovators and explorers. Remember the flip-side of distractibility is curiosity. Barriers Parents Face: Steps to Changing Your Perspective on ADHD 1. Educate yourself The biggest barriers for parents are denial, ignorance and a refusal to learn. If this goes on tfor oo long, children can suffer further loss to their self esteem. The stakes are high, not only for the child, but the whole family. So learn what ADHD is and what it isn’t. The most powerful treatment for ADHD is understanding ADHD. It can be a positive attribute in your child’s life. So ,read books, talk with professionals and talk with other parents with ADHD children. You need to understand ADHD well enough to embrace it so you can help your child avoid unnecessary stigma, as that breaks children rather than builds them up. 2. Look for that special spark Children with ADHD invariably have a special something, a spark, a delightful quirk – which they sometimes try to hide. Look for that special something and help your child feel good about who they are. Identify talents, strengths, interests and dreams. Teach them to see and believe in what they can do, and avoid the tendency to focus on what they can’t do. When you believe in your child, it makes it easier for them to believe, too. 3 . Unconditional Love Let your love for your child carry the day. Tune out the diagnosticians and labellers and notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who they are. Providing this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation, which in turn create joy and success in life. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing young people with ADHD need in dealing with behaviours. Ensure your child knows, every day, how much you love them. Showing your love and affection will reinforce your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather criticism from outside sources. Young people need love that never gives up. 4. Reframe Challenges in terms of Mirror Traits Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADHD. By recognising the mirror or flipside traits, you avoid the impact of shame and fear. 5. Surround yourself with Laughter Laughter is the best medicine. Surround yourself with people who can laugh. It is important to be able to regain a perspective that allows you to see the humour in all of the situations these youngsters can get into. Why wait to look back on something and laugh at it – go ahead and enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation in the moment. When our young people begin to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves quite so seriously, it allows them to learn humility without shame, and adds to their character and their enjoyment of life. Conclusion: As a parent, how you approach your child’s ADHD will set the tone for how your child manages their ADHD. When you show them compassion and understanding, you teach them to love themselves and see their strengths. That will help them find the motivation they need to manage their ADHD, one strategy at a time. Adapted from Hallowell, E.M ., Jensen, M.D. & P.S.,Ballantine, M.D. (2008) ' Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child ', 2008.