Do You Need to Change Your Perspective on ADHD? It seems most people who don’t have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) don’t really understand it. ADHD is often associated with what is wrong with a person so a diagnosis of ADHD may leave you feeling shame, fear and self-doubt. Changing your perspective on ADHD is the start in removing the stigma surrounding ADHD. I believe in emphasising the positive traits of ADHD.  People with ADHD represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and accomplished people I have met. Nevertheless, words such as organisation, structure, supervision, reminders, and persistence don’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the task people with ADHD have to tackle every day, particularly children and young people. Children need their parents and teachers to understand their difficulties, and help them to overcome those challenges. When explaining ADHD to a child, say, “you have a superfast mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I’m the brake expert.” When ADHD is properly managed, children can achieve: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dreamers, innovators and explorers. Remember the flip-side of distractibility is curiosity. Barriers Parents Face: Steps to Changing Your Perspective on ADHD 1. Educate yourself The biggest barriers for parents are denial, ignorance and a refusal to learn. If this goes on tfor oo long, children can suffer further loss to their self esteem. The stakes are high, not only for the child, but the whole family. So learn what ADHD is and what it isn’t. The most powerful treatment for ADHD is understanding ADHD. It can be a positive attribute in your child’s life. So ,read books, talk with professionals and talk with other parents with ADHD children. You need to understand ADHD well enough to embrace it so you can help your child avoid unnecessary stigma, as that breaks children rather than builds them up. 2. Look for that special spark Children with ADHD invariably have a special something, a spark, a delightful quirk – which they sometimes try to hide. Look for that special something and help your child feel good about who they are. Identify talents, strengths, interests and dreams. Teach them to see and believe in what they can do, and avoid the tendency to focus on what they can’t do. When you believe in your child, it makes it easier for them to believe, too. 3 . Unconditional Love Let your love for your child carry the day. Tune out the diagnosticians and labellers and notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who they are. Providing this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation, which in turn create joy and success in life. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing young people with ADHD need in dealing with behaviours. Ensure your child knows, every day, how much you love them. Showing your love and affection will reinforce your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather criticism from outside sources. Young people need love that never gives up. 4. Reframe Challenges in terms of Mirror Traits Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADHD. By recognising the mirror or flipside traits, you avoid the impact of shame and fear. 5. Surround yourself with Laughter Laughter is the best medicine. Surround yourself with people who can laugh. It is important to be able to regain a perspective that allows you to see the humour in all of the situations these youngsters can get into. Why wait to look back on something and laugh at it – go ahead and enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation in the moment. When our young people begin to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves quite so seriously, it allows them to learn humility without shame, and adds to their character and their enjoyment of life. Conclusion: As a parent, how you approach your child’s ADHD will set the tone for how your child manages their ADHD. When you show them compassion and understanding, you teach them to love themselves and see their strengths. That will help them find the motivation they need to manage their ADHD, one strategy at a time. Adapted from Hallowell, E.M ., Jensen, M.D. & P.S.,Ballantine, M.D. (2008) ' Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child ', 2008.

Make the first thing you do each day something relaxing and pleasurable. Psychiatrist Dr. Hallowell describes the dread for many people with ADHD of getting started on work or a project as a “colossal boulder of negative thinking" but you can turn that boulder into a pebble with some smart strategies, particularly ones that focus on the cycle of negative thinking. Try starting your day with something pleasurable to attenuate the dread. It could be a good breakfast, some morning exercise, or a chat with a friend or colleague to help you get fired up about your project or task. A “Nice Things” folder on your phone, where you paste any kind responses about you or your work from colleagues can be really useful to read through when you need to remind yourself that you can do anything. Break down your tasks into tiny subtasks. Once you’re ready to get started, start small. Like, very small. You can make just about any project more manageable by chunking it out into smaller components and setting yourself deadlines for each of those parts. Make sure you set a really low bar to just get yourself started, such as “open the document” or “do 10 minutes of research.” You can also lean on apps like Things or Todoist to help you structure your tasks and projects. Google Keep’s create a checklist which feels satisfying to tick things off. Make sure your first task is one that you have a 100% chance of succeeding at. Susan C. Pinsky, a professional organiser and author of Organizing Solutions for People With ADHD, recommends organising your day intentionally so that when you need a win, there’s one right there waiting for you. “Try to structure your workday so you do the easiest thing first,” she says. “You’re already giving yourself a success. You’ve accomplished something, and now that big thing that sits in front of you isn’t so overwhelming.” Ceremoniously crossing something off your to-do list may give you a bit of a buzz and help you move on to the next thing. For every item on your to-do list, quickly jot down why it’s a priority. The things that motivate neurotypical people don’t always work for people with ADHD. Dr. Hallowell explains, motivation can be hard to come by, especially for tasks that are intrinsically boring, tedious, or uninteresting. Just because you know you have to get something done doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be motivated to actually do it. One thing that can be helpful is making sure you know exactly why you need to complete a task. Try writing a quick note to yourself for these kinds of tasks and you can also schedule a quick catch-up with a coworker or friend to give yourself a refresher on why something needs to be completed. Another go-to strategy is condensing an email or project brief into bullet points and paste them at the top of whatever document you're working on so Iyou don’t forget any essential tasks or priorities. Overestimate how long tasks will take. Having a fundamentally different sense of time—specifically not being able to estimate and record the passing of time—is part of many people’s experience of ADHD. When their perception of time differs from the neurotypical-based deadlines and timelines most people are required to stick to, people with ADHD can find themselves struggling. Dr. Hallowell explains that for many people with ADHD, there’s “now” and “not now.” When, for example, a project is due next Thursday, a person with ADHD might tag that as “not now” and put it on the back burner until it’s too late to get it done in time. All of a sudden “now” is almost here and you’re panicking. The solution to this is to overestimate how long things will take. f you think each jobsis going to take an hour, try scheduling two for each of them. Building a 'gentle disaster mindset' can help you have some margins in case things run over. Having an analog clock can help you perceive time passing; set alarms on your phone, reminders for appointments and meetings before they start. Remember those big tasks you chunked out? You can set those in your phone or calendar too; it’s how to avoid any deadline disasters. Find ways to make boring tasks novel and fun. When a task isn’t intrinsically rewarding, it can be difficult for people with ADHD to feel motivated to do it. For Dr. Hallowell, a balance of fun is crucial to staying on task. “[Combine] situations that are highly structured and full of novelty and stimulation. Too much structure and it gets boring, too much novelty and it’s confusing.” Make the most of this need for stimulation by writing your to-do list down using colourful (and therefore visually stimulating) pens and paper, or keeping a selection of Post-its in your workspace and around the house. “Write [your task] on a colourful Post-it and slap it on the door. That way, tomorrow when you leave the house, that Post-it is staring you right in the face. The key is to have a variety of those colours, because if it’s always the same coloru, your eye isn’t going to see it." You can also introduce novelty by varying your work environment. Try speeding up boring tasks by listening to a podcast while Iyou do them, or draw out a colourful checklist for repetitive tasks so you can clearly see your progress while also injecting some festivity into your day. Get strategic about minimising distractions. Having ADHD can already mean that you have problems focusing so added distractions can be debilitating to people with ADHD. There are products and apps out there that can really help you reduce (or simply avoid) distractions in your environment. Noise-cancelling headphones can be a total lifesaver. Strict Workflow, on yourlaptop, blocks social media for 25 minutes at a time. After 25 minutes an alarm rings, which means it’s time for a five-minute break so you can look at social media if you want to. You can also listen to Brain.FM, which is music that is supposedly engineered to help you focus. The ambient, lyric-free music keeps the brain occupied enough while working so that you don’t need to seek out other distractions. Find someone who’s willing to be your accountability partner. After removing all those distractions and maybe even removing yourself from environments where lots of people and/or chitchat is happening, you might start to feel isolated. It’s still important to stay connected, as Dr. Hallowell explains. “You really need to work with a team, you have to get encouragement, don’t isolate yourself. It can be anybody, a teacher, a spouse, a dog, any form of positive connection.” If something is a huge stress point, such as sitting down to pay your bills, ask a friend or partner if they want to meet up virtually and pay bills together. Depending on your workplace, you might also be able to lean on coworkers, telling them you’ll send a draft or provide a project update by a specific deadline. If that doesn’t feel appropriate, you can ask a friend to be a deadline stand-in, letting them know you’ll send them a screengrab of your progress on a project by a certain deadline. Schedule a “should-less” day regularly. Living with ADHD can be exhausting at times. It’s great to strategise and maximise your productivity, but you also want to avoid burnout. Make sure you’re scheduling time—maybe a weekend day, if possible—where you don’t have anything scheduled and you can just be guided by your desires and energy levels. Take a “should-less” day every now and then; it’s a great way to recharge your batteries. It doesn’t mean you don’t do anything, but it removes the stress of having anything hanging over you. On that day, don’t schedule anything. Instead, let your instincts guide you throughout the day - sleep in, read a book for an afternoon, or take a walk. If you are often hypervigilant about letting people down with ADHD forgetfulness, should-less days help you have a break from accountability for a bit. Thank you to Isabelle O'Carroll for her excellent advice on managing ADHD.

So many people bring sleep struggles into the therapeutic space. When sleep is lacking, many of us are desperate for help. Today there's a booming industry waiting to tell us all the ways not sleeping can ruin our health -- and to sell us expensive, fancy gadgets to help us finally doze off. Shedding light, however, on this depressing doomsday messaging, Dr. Jen Gunter explains why we shouldn't stress over sleep - and what to do instead. I always recommend no tossing and turning, grab a novel and have a read. Keep the light low and let your body relax. You are resting and that is good start. If you would like more on how your body works, tune in to her podcast, Body Stuff with Dr. Jen Gunter, from the TED Audio Collective.

The Dalai Lama said, ‘Sleep is the best meditation’ and I think most of us would agree it is one of our basic human needs. There is yet to be a substitute for sleep. There is no pill we can take or ways we can cheat our bodies into thinking we have caught up on lost sleep. We feel better after a good night's rest, we look more ‘alive’ and have more energy. Crucially, our bodies have had a chance to repair at a cellular level. Sleep has a huge part to play in the recovery from injury and the management of pain. Most of us have noticed that when we have had a few poor nights then our pain sensitivity and/or our ability to cope with our pain alters – stubbing your toe when you are tired seems to hurt so much more! A few tips to help with sleep: Light, noise and temperature are important as these have an effect on the chemical and hormonal levels in our bodies, such as, darkness stimulating melatonin which induces sleepiness. Avoid nicotine, alcohol and caffeine before bed as these stimulate our central nervous system, increasing our heart rate and adrenaline levels. Avoid checking social media or work emails before preparing to sleep. These will stimulate the mind, adrenaline and heart rate. Try to get into a routine of relaxation before trying to sleep – maybe a warm bath, meditation or reading a book. Try to sleep when you are tired - if you are rubbing your eyes and yawning this will be a good time to go to sleep. You will be tapping into your natural circadian rhythm. Stop checking your clock. f you wake up, try to avoid checking the time and worrying that you have to get up in two hours. Just roll over and trust your alarm will wake you for work. If you are tossing and turning, then get up. Have a glass of water, listen to some calming music or read. When you notice you are sleepy again, go back to bed. Keep the lights dim. Avoid high suspense/action tv before bed. Think about what this will do to your adrenaline levels. There are lots of different things you can try to help. Make a list of what works for you. Remember also, not everyone needs 8 hours of sleep every night to function well. Explore your own sleep requirement. There are lots of interesting articles about sleep online - these may be helpful: Home - The Sleep Council Sleep problems - Every Mind Matters - NHS (www.nhs.uk) Sleep Foundation | Better Sleep for a Better You

Jade Beason gives us the harsh truth: New Years resolutions are rarely successful. Jade offers a better way to set goals for the year, and ways which have worked for her. In this video she'll be sharing how she changed her life in 2022, and the methods she will use to supercharge these changes in 2023. So if you want to hear some New Years resolution ideas, 2023 goal planning, 2023 business planning, plan with Jade 2023, New Year resolution 2023, how to set goals for 2023 and goal setting 2023, this video may just be the one to get you on your way. TIME STAMPS 00:00 Intro 00:50 My story 03:00 Establish a vision 05:05 Make habits, not resolutions 10:50 Broaden your horizons 12:45 Daily reflection 15:50 Morning routines BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - https://amzn.to/3p7Wvs1 Atomic Habits - https://amzn.to/3UMJoez The Slight Edge - https://amzn.to/3iHCqtR 12 Week Work Year - https://amzn.to/3W9IrOm You can find Jade on YouTube and Instagram. Happy intention setting!

A new one for me; an intentions for 2023 list. Yes, good intentions. Not so much goals but a range of things that I would like to do, activities that would be good for me and those I would like to keep going. I might not achieve all of these; some of them are a bit vague but if I keep it out, I can look at it regularly and it might just give me a kick to have a go at something or find space for something. According to Sarah Dawn Tunis, w hether you’re working the law of attraction, seeking to achieve your dreams and goals, or just aiming to get through the day, if you know what intentions are and how to set them then this is the most powerful tool you have. Intentions are generally simple acts that can have a powerful effect on your life. They can be seen as the starting point of co-creating your life and one of the most important techniques for using the law of attraction. Learning how to make intentions and use their power can be an effective step in building the life you want and achieving your goals . What is an intention? An intention is very simple. It is a purpose, desire, goal, aim or plan. See the photo above. In more detail, it is the statement of that purpose, desire, goal or aim. It is acknowledging what you want… in a more formal manner than just blurting it out to yourself or in casual conversation. Yes, it can be spoken and it can definitely be written. It is essentially the announcement of a plan. Such a simple idea that in general use of the English language, the word isn't often used and doesn’t have much influence. It is often used as a poor reason when things don’t work out as expected. “ Well, that was not my intention. ” Or how about this one? “ The road to Hell is paved with good intentions .” Giving the impression that intentions are all well and good but really don’t matter much in the long run. I'm no expert on laws of attraction as they don't really feature in therapy, yet it appears when it comes to the law of attraction, the use of intention is extremely important and powerful . In fact, it is one of the most important steps for using the law of attraction and for manifesting what you desire. It is the beginning. This simple activity carries the power to propel you toward what you desire . It is how you will begin to create the life you want - be it a life full of love, health and happiness or you wish for a new car, a different job or to visit another country. Whatever it is you desire, intention is how to bring it into your existence . Without intention, it will be hard to move forward. Intentions are the first step in identifying your desires, changing your reality and co-creating your life. It includes focussing on the possibilities, imagining what it will be like, and then declaring that this is what you intend to have, accomplish or experience. Intentions are your declaration . A way to shout out to the universe what it is you want and what you want to aim for. An intention is: Identifying what you want Saying and writing what you wish out loud and with conviction Make them real by validating them A declaration of your resolve to make things happen A commitment to take action And that is the next step. How do you get there? What's your plan of action? Can you use SMART goals? Good luck!

How many times do you hear someone say "Oh, they have abandonment issues!"? A throw away comment that is huge! A primal and universal feeling that is thought to originate as the baby leaves the safety of the womb and can be activated should the child fear being left alone. Dr. Gabor Mate talks about how big is the impact of our emotions to our physical body; and how this impacts everyone since early ages. He talks a lot about trauma and how it really affects us if we don't make it conscious. If we can recognise how important our inner state is, becoming conscious of our early traumas then we can be freed from them.

What Is Compassionate Inquiry? I am a believer in compassionate ways of working therapeutically. Dr. Gabor Maté developed the Compassionate Inquiry psychotherapy approach, which seeks to reveal what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world. Using the Compassionate Inquiry model, both the individual and therapist unveil the level of consciousness, mental climate, hidden assumptions, implicit memories and body states that form the real message that words both express and conceal. Through using the Compassionate Inquiry approach, client's can recognise the unconscious processes that run their lives and explore how to liberate themselves from them. “The purpose of the Compassionate Inquiry system is to drill down to the core stories people tell themselves – to get them to see what story they are telling themselves unconsciously; what those beliefs are, where they came from; and guide them to the possibility of letting go of those stories, or letting go of the hold those stories have on them. That’s what the Compassionate Inquiry system is.” ~ Dr. Gabor Maté

All relationships will have some conflict - it's healthy to express our difference with the caveat, it's how you do it! No relationship is ever stable; each goes through a regular cycle of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair’. A healthy relationship is not one in which ruptures never occur, but one where both parties are willing and able to repair them. Many tensions within relationships can usefully be looked at through the prism of a concept much used within psychotherapy: the idea of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair.’ For psychotherapists, every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration or as the term has it, of ‘rupture’, when we suffer a loss of trust in another person as someone in whom we can safely deposit our love, and whom we believe can be kind and understanding of our needs. The ruptures are often quite small, and to outside observers perhaps imperceptible: one person fails to respond warmly to another’s greeting; someone tries to explain an idea to their partner who shrugs and says off-handedly that they have no idea what they’re on about; in front of friends, a lover shares an anecdote which casts the partner in a less than flattering light. Or the rupture can be more serious: someone calls someone a stupid fool and breaks a door. A birthday is forgotten. An affair begins… So we venture into expressing our needs, being clear with boundaries and empathising with the other. We don't have to agree but we can hear, validate and empathise.

We all have our own triggers for conflict. Most couples fight on occasion and are often not terribly kind to each other when they do. John Gottman suggests that in successful relationships it is not that we fight that is the problem, it’s the way that fights are handled. Conflict, however, doesn’t just come out of the blue. It can be seen as part of a repeating cycle of rupture and repair. The couples that get it right learn from this cycle and use it to enhance intimacy; the couples that don’t learn are likely to repeat it in perpetual cycles of misery and frustration. The diagram below shows the process from harmony to disharmony via relationship ruptures and the pathway from dissatisfaction back to satisfaction via the steps of repair. When we understand this process, this could help us find a way to make our relationship more harmonious and our fights less destructive. We would then spend less time in a state of disharmony and learn how to recover from conflict more quickly when it does occur. If we fail to understand it and change it, then we could end up in the unhappy state that some couples arrive at where they spend very little time in a state of satisfaction and find it easy to be dislodged back into disharmony, from which they then find it very hard to escape. Figure 1: The cycle of rupture and repair in close relationships (Grimmer, 2019) There isn't space here to go into a lot of explanation. If you wish to know more I would suggest finding a qualified counsellor (such as BACP, UKCP, Relate, Corst) to work with you. A couples / relationship counsellor can help with communication between couples.

Part of my MSc dissertation is exploring the influence of fathers. Has that changed over time? Just how important are Dads today? What role do they play in the modern family where they do not need to be provider and protector? Dr. Anna Machin is an Oxford University-based evolutionary anthropologist, author, and broadcaster who has spent ten years researching the psychology, biology, ​and behaviour of new fathers. In this TED talk she explains why this new-found knowledge means that we need to change how we talk about dads, moving away from lazy stereotypes, to acknowledge their unique and special role in their children's lives and the power they hold to bring about real positive changes to inequality in our society. She researches the evolution, neuroscience, psychology and biology of our closest relationships; lover to lover, friend to friend, parent to child. Dr Machin is passionate about sharing the outcomes of her work with the public and helping to make all our relationships healthier and happier. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community.

According to Wikipedia, a father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations. Yet is that it? From what I have observed and read, fathers today come in various forms. He is no longer always the traditional married breadwinner and disciplinarian in the family. He can be single, co-habiting or married; externally employed or stay-at home; gay or straight; an adoptive or step-parent; and a more than capable caregiver to children facing physical or psychological challenges. Psychological research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests that fathers' affection and increased family involvement greatly encourage children's social and emotional development. Two to three centuries ago, fathers’ roles were mainly about serving as breadwinners and the conveyers of moral values and religious education to their children. This began to change with the advent of industrialisation and urbanisation and as factories became the major source of employment, fathers became distanced from the household and their families. Growing rates of abandonment and illegitimacy led to the development of welfare programmes to assist widowed or unmarried women in supporting their children. In more recent times, the changing economic role of women has greatly impacted the role of fathers. Between 1948 and 2001, the percentage of working age women employed or looking for work nearly doubled–from less than 33 percent to more than 60 percent. The increase in financial power made paternal financial support less necessary for some families. Along with the growing autonomy of women, related trends such as declining fertility, increasing rates of divorce and remarriage, and childbirth outside of marriage have resulted in a transition from traditional to multiple undefined roles for many fathers. Today’s fathers have started to take on roles vastly different from fathers of previous generations. In the past, research on child development has focused more on mothers fulfilling their children’s needs. However, more recently, research has increasingly focused on fathers. This is due to the growing role modern day fathers play in caregiving. One study conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) concluded that fathers tended to be more involved in caregiving when: they worked fewer hours than other fathers; they had positive psychological adjustment characteristics (e.g., high self esteem, lower levels of depression and hostility, and coping well with the major tasks of adulthood); mothers worked more hours than other mothers; mothers reported greater marital intimacy; and when children were boys. Other research on the role of fathers suggests that the influence of father love on children's development is as great as the influence of a mother's love. Fatherly love helps children develop a sense of their place in the world, which helps their social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning. Moreover, children who receive more love from their fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioural or substance abuse problems. References: APA (2005). Lesbian and gay parenting. Washington, D.C.: Author. Retrieved June 15, 2009 from www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting.aspx. APA (2004). Briefing sheet: An overview of the psychological literature on the effects of divorce on children. Washington, D.C.: Author. Retrieved June 15, 2009 from www.apa.org/about/gr/issues/cyf/divorce.aspx. APA (2003) ACT Against Violence program for incarcerated fathers. Retrieved June 19, 2009 from www.apa.org/pi/prevent-violence/programs/incarcerated-fathers.aspx. APA Monitor (2007). Stay-at-home dads report high job satisfaction. Vol. 38(9), pp. 57. Retrieved June 15, 2009 from www.apa.org/monitor/oct07/stayathome.aspx. APA Monitor (2005). Meet the renaissance dad. Vol. 36(11), pp. 62. Retrieved June 15, 2009 from www.apa.org/monitor/dec05/renaissance.aspx. APA Monitor (2005). Stepfamily success depends on ingredients. Vol. 36(11), pp. 58. Retrieved June 15, 2009 from www.apa.org/monitor/dec05/stepfamily.aspx. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2009). National Center for Health Statistics Data Brief (May 2009): Changing patterns of nonmarital childbearing in the United States. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Retrieved June 19, 2009 from www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db18.htm. Coley, R. L. (2001). (In)visible men: Emerging research on low-income, unmarried, and minority fathers. American Psychologist, 56(9), 743-753. Fagan, J., & Palkovitz, R. (2007). Unmarried, nonresident fathers' involvement with their infants: A risk and resilience perspective. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(3), 479–489. Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics (2008). America’s children in brief: Key national indicators of well-being. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Printing Office. Retrieved June 19, 2009 from www.childstats.gov/pdf/ac2008/ac_08.pdf. NICHD Early Child Care Research Network (2000). Factors associated with fathers' caregiving activities and sensitivity with young children. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(2), 200-219. U.S. Census Bureau (2009). Single-parent households showed little variation since 1994, Census Bureau reports. Washington, DC: Author. Retrieved from www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/families_households/009842.html.