Self-hatred is a particularly vicious disease which destroys our ability to defend ourselves and to confront enemies. Here are some fabulous tips from the School of Life on how to make better friends with ourselves.
What else can we do? Jae Song suggests:
1. Start Small
Start with doing something you can do immediately and easily e.g. clean your room, organise your papers or pay all your bills.
2. Create a Compelling Vision
Use the power of your imagination. Create an image of yourself as the confident and self-assured person you aspire to become. Choose an appropriate role-model. Mine is the wonderful Maya Angelou.
Get out of the house - setup a lunch date with a friend. Socializing with others will give us opportunities to connect with other people and practice our communication and interpersonal skills.
As with all skills, we get better with practice and repetition. The more often we proactively do things that scare us, the less scary these situations will seem, and eventually will be rid of that fear.
5. Do Something You Are Good At
What are you especially good at or enjoy doing? Regularly doing things that you are good at reinforces your belief in your abilities and strengths.
6. Set Goals
Apparently people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetime as people who don’t. By setting SMART goals, you have a clear target of where you want to be.
7. Help Others Feel Good About Themselves
Help somebody or teach them something. When you help other people feel better about themselves and like themselves more, it will make you feel good about yourself.
8. Get Clarity on Life Areas
Get clarity on the life area that needs the most attention. Your self-esteem is the average of your self-concept in all the major areas of your life. Write down all the major categories of your life, e.g., health, relationships, finance, etc. Then rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each area. Work on the lowest numbered category first, unless they are all even. Each area affects the other areas. The more you build up each area of your life, the higher your overall self-esteem.
9. Create a Plan
Having a goal alone won’t do much. Get clarity on your action items. One of the biggest reasons people get lazy is because they don’t have a plan to achieve their goals. They don’t know what the next step is and start to wander off randomly. When you’re baking a cake, it’s a lot easier to follow a set of clear instructions, than randomly throwing ingredients together.
10. Get Motivated
Read something inspirational, listen to something empowering, talk to someone who can uplift our spirits, who can motivate us to become a better person, to live more consciously, and to take proactive steps towards creating a better life for ourselves and our families.
11. Get External Compliments
As funny as this point suggests, go find a friend or family member and ask them “What do you like about me?” “What are my strengths?” or “What do you love about me?” We will often value other people’s opinions more than our own. We are the best at beating ourselves up for things not done well, and we are the worst at recognising what we’ve done well in. Hearing from another person our strengths and positive qualities helps to build a more positive image of ourselves.
12. Affirmations & Introspection
Use affirmations, but in the right way. Some people think that when they’re in a slump, using positive affirmations will help them get out of it. Say something like “I am sitting here being very unproductive right now, is this the ideal me? What would help me?” Your affirmations have to be the TRUTH. Once you’re honest, take the first step towards doing the thing, no matter how small.
13. No More Comparisons
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. Accept that it’ll serve you more to just go down your own path at your own pace rather than to compare yourself. Pretend you’re starting over and begin immediately with the smallest step forward.
The other thing to remember is we are all walking our own path and most of us are focussing on that - not on what others are doing. You're doing just great!